Be Your Best - New Day Counseling Center Blog

Making Peace with Your Past

2012-01-30T12:43:00.000-05:00

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself he becomes wise. ~Alden Nowlan

Are regrets, bad memories, or losses keeping you from enjoying each new day? Is the past keeping you from moving into the future with hope and anticipation?

I recently heard a man say that it was not until he made peace with his past that he truly began to live. It changed his life so drastically that everyone noticed there was something different about him. It was not until 20 years after losing his father that he began to grieve the loss for the first time. He finally allowed himself to face his past with all the anger and pain. There was so much that he missed out on. There were lost opportunities and things that would never be, so many regrets, poor choices, and bad experiences that would affect the rest of his life.

This man went through a process of acceptance and forgiveness. He felt the pain. He felt the anger. He mourned what was and could have been. And then, he released it. He made peace with his past, and he was ready to move on with his life. Suddenly, new opportunities before him became exciting. He began to fully appreciate what he had, the people in his life, and what he had become. He began to hope for a better and brighter future. He was ready to give more of himself to others. And he began to enjoy his life more and more.

For the first time since he could remember, he felt free—free of burdens from the past, free of unresolved pain, free of bitterness and self-pity. He was free indeed! He was free to enjoy his life, his family, and all that he had like never before. The past would no longer steal his joy and hope. It could not hold him back, and it was not going to keep him down any longer.

Is your past keeping you from fully enjoying your life? Sometimes we do not stop and think about it. Just like the man described above, we might have regrets, unresolved pain, sorrow, anger, or unforgiveness. These things keep us bound to the past. The past does not have to negatively influence our future. We can release it as we face it, deal with the emotions, come to accept what was and now is, and forgive our past.

Making peace with our past will lead us to experience healing, wholeness, and freedom to live our life with true joy. Every day is a new day to appreciate and enjoy. We do not have to allow our past to keep us from being truly happy today. Choose to be free and take the necessary steps to be free now. (We might want to have a professional counselor help us go through this process.)

Following are questions to reflect on and steps to take in making peace with our past:

1. Face your past. What are your regrets? What caused or still causes you pain? What are your losses? Have you grieved them?

2. Face your feelings. Does your past make you angry, sad, feel bad about yourself, bitter, damaged, cheated?

3. Forgive your past. Do you have any bitterness, hatred, or unforgiveness towards anyone (including yourself)? Why are you holding on to it? What would it take for you to release it and free yourself from its control in your life?

4. Accept your past. When we cannot change something, the healthiest thing we can do is accept it. Can you accept your past? What have you learned from it? How can it change you for the better?

5. Make peace with your past and be free. When your past no longer controls your life—your peace, your hope, attitude, relationships, ability to love others, give and share of yourself, dream, believe, and trust once again, then you are free!

It is my hope that this has helped you in making peace with your past, and in looking forward to better days ahead!

Krystal

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

He who spends time regretting the past, loses the present and risks the future. ~Quevedo

Regret is an appalling waste of energy --you can't build on it. It's only good for wallowing in. ~Katherine Mansfield

Your memory replays your past; your imagination replays your future. ~Mike Murdock

Copyright © 2007 Krystal Kuehn BeHappy4Life.com NewDayCounseling.org All Rights Reserved

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Taking Responsibility

2012-01-23T13:54:00.000-05:00

Taking Responsiblity by Dennis Liegghio
(excerpt from Building a Foundation for Happiness )

Life is difficult. This is the great truth, one of the greatest truths—it is a great truth because once we see this truth, we transcend it. ~ M. Scott Peck

For so many years, I believed that my life was a cruel joke, and was the direct result of everything that had ever happened to me. I believed that I was “born to lose” and I blamed my life events and the circumstances that I was born into. Coming to terms with three, simple truths about life allowed me to start looking at my life from a different perspective, and helped to set me free from the chains of the past.

1. Life is sometimes difficult, and can seem unfair. Bad things happen to good people every day. That’s life. We can’t control much of what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it. There are ups and downs, tragedies and triumphs, love and loss. It’s all a part of the human experience and accepting that we can’t control much of what we experience allows us to focus on the experience itself, trusting that “this too shall pass”, and take with us the lesson that we are meant to learn. Struggle, pain and adversity exist so that we may learn resilience, humility and compassion. These things did not happen to us because we are cursed or doomed or born to suffer. These things happen to us so that we can grow.

2. The world doesn’t owe me anything. I believed for so long, that because my life had been full of tragedy and heartbreak and loss that I was entitled to peace, love, success and happiness. I believed that I shouldn’t have to put any effort into, or work toward these things. I believed life owed me this. God owed me this. Everyone who I ever came into contact with owed me this. That is what I expected, and that is how I behaved. Nobody owes me anything of course, and when I accepted that, and took responsibility for it, my perceptions began to change. Instead of focusing on what I didn’t have (and what I believed I should have), I began focusing on all of the amazing gifts and people in my life, and being grateful for them. Acknowledging that gratitude each day – in my heart, and out loud, helped me redirect my thoughts and to accept that I wasn’t entitled to anything. Everything was a gift! If I wanted peace, and love and success and happiness (for whatever those things meant to me) I had to work towards these things, just like everyone else.

3. My happiness and well-being is MY responsibility. For so many years, I would go to sleep each night hoping that someday, some girl would swoop into my life and rescue me. Take me away from all this pain and sadness and make everything OK. This of course, is a fairy tale. We are not capable of being good for someone else, or truly loving someone else until we are good for ourselves, until we love ourselves. It’s unfair to place this expectation on another human being. We are all trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got on our journey, and it’s not fair to dump our shortcomings, insecurities, negative attitudes and unhealthy behaviors on someone else. I needed to do some pretty serious self-examination and work on developing positive thoughts, actions and behaviors before I could start cultivating positive and meaningful relationships in my life. It’s not right to place our expectation of happiness on someone else’s shoulders, and we’ll never find happiness if we continue living life this way.

My big breakthrough moment (which I will describe later) was very similar to the scene in Good Will Hunting, though it took many years to get there: my father’s suicide was not my fault, and there was nothing that I could have done. The past is over, and it was time to move on. Nobody can change their past, and I’m not trying to minimize what I experienced as a child or anything that you’ve experienced in your past, but this is now, and we have the choice, the power, and the responsibility to start moving forward. Our past does not dictate our future… Tomorrow is built on the choices we make today.

You’ll have an amazing sense of empowerment once you decide to stop blaming others, or circumstances that you had no control over, and start taking responsibility for the choices you make starting right now. You are free to make choices every day. You are free to choose to stay in unhealthy relationships and you are free to choose not to. You are free to choose with whom you will spend your time and what you will spend your time doing. You are free to choose to express yourself or ask for help when you feel overwhelmed and you are free to choose to isolate yourself and self-medicate. You are free to choose to go for a walk or a jog or a bike ride and you are free to choose to lay on the couch and watch TV. You are free to flip the guy off who just cut you off and lose your temper and you are free to take deep breath and let it go because you have no control over this person’s actions. You are free to make choices that will help you learn and grow and you are free to make choices that will keep you where you’re at in life. It starts by recognizing that you do have a choice in each moment – reflect on what the possible choices are and make a choice based on what you think would have the most positive and healthy outcome. I was free to keep getting wasted every day and running from my problems, and I was free to make the choice to seek help and look for answers. I chose to seek help and look for answers.

Despite the stigma that is somehow still attached, seeking help from a therapist doesn’t mean that you’re crazy. The goal of therapy is to provide a safe environment for an intimate relationship to develop. In this environment, you learn the skills needed to open yourself up and be vulnerable to someone else and discuss your fears and insecurities. Through this relationship, where the therapist is a professionally trained listener with the ability to empathize, you can feel free to discuss these things, and arrive at a place where you feel confident and secure enough to move forward in a healthy manner. The client / therapist relationship builds trust and helps you to develop communication and coping skills. In short, you are taught how to own and process your feelings. Therapy can be a very helpful thing for those of us who have experienced traumas that we have not yet processed. Building intimate relationships with others (not just romantic ones) can also be useful for these purposes, but therapy provides an unbiased, professional environment. If you are having trouble sustaining meaningful, intimate relationships with others I would strongly suggest looking into therapy. My life, attitude and relationships have all improved dramatically since.

Building a Foundation for Happiness
by Dennis Liegghio
http://www.detourproject.org/

Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses. ~George Washington Carver

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. ~ Jim Rohn

If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it. If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim. ~Richard Bach

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. ~John W. Gardner

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Happy New Year!

2011-12-27T17:15:00.001-05:00

We will soon leave 2011 behind us forever. And we joyfully welcome 2012 as we believe for a great New Year!

Every year we leave the old behind and welcome the new. Every year we have good memories that will continue to bless us for years to come, and we also have some bad ones from which we can learn and grow.

Just as each new day offers us a fresh new start and opportunity, we have a new year to anticipate and expect many good things. Regardless of any disappointments or challenges faced in 2011, let us continue to hope, dream, and set new goals for 2012. It is going to be good. Expect it and plan on it!

The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!

~Edward Payson Powell

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

May you have a very Happy, Healthy, Prosperous and Blessed New Year!!

God bless you, Krystal, Violet and all of us at New Day Counseling

NewDayCounseling.org

Christmas Joy: The Story of a Modern Day Santa

2011-12-20T13:38:00.000-05:00

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. ~Bob Phillips

The holiday season can be one of the most beautiful and loving times of the year. It is a magical time when our hearts are more open to give and think of others. Whether it is gifts, donations, or kindness, our giving brings us much of the joy we experience and associate with Christmas.

A man recently told me of an unexpected encounter he had with a homeless couple. He was on his way to work and planned to make a quick stop at a hardware store. As he walked in he saw a young man and woman carrying what appeared to be all their belongings in bags. He made brief contact with the couple at the store entrance and learned that they were on their way to the local homeless shelter. They were with a large group and had missed their ride when they made a stop. On his way into the store, the couple asked the man for a ride to the shelter. When he told them he was unable to give them a ride, they asked him for a some money for the next bus. They were desperate. The man gave them a few dollars and wished them well. He proceeding to complete his errand, but couldn't get the sad image of the homeless couple out of his mind. He had a strong desire to turn back to do more for them. He believed the couple was being truthful with him. He didn’t know how they got into the situation they were in, but his heart went out to them. He turned around and saw them walking toward the bus stop. He approached them and with a warm, loving smile, put a large dollar bill into the young man’s hand. In complete surprise and gratitude, the young man began to weep and hugged the man who helped them. To this homeless couple, he was like Santa Claus; yet, he was an unexpected stranger who crossed their path and shared God’s love with them. That day, this modern-day Santa Claus brought some hope into those people’s lives and much joy into his own. Modern day Santas are some of the jolliest people around!

There is something magical about giving. It blesses everyone involved. Christmastime is one very special time, and one of many that we have to spread the good cheer and make someone’s day, week, month, or life brighter. Don’t wait until a special occasion to bring joy to others. Now is the time to give, love and experience some Christmas magic!

Somehow, not only for Christmas,
But all the long year through,
The joy that you give to others,
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing,
The poor and lonely and sad,
The more of your heart's possessing,
Returns to you glad.
~John Greenleaf Whittier

The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas. ~ W. C. Jones

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. ~Hamilton Wright Mabi

Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn andViolet James, BeHappy4Life.com, All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

<< return to Be Your Best Home

Do You See The Clouds or Sunshine? It's Your Choice

2011-12-14T12:09:00.001-05:00

"What a beautiful, sunny day,” I thought when I awoke this morning. “It’s going to be a good day!” I got out of bed with a new energy and a good attitude. Then I began to wonder, what is it about today that’s different from the past several days? Well, it was cloudy most every other morning until this morning. What a difference sunshine can make! Actually, as I pondered this, I came to realize that it is so much more than that. What it really comes down to is a choice. Notice that I had determined in my mind that it was going to be a good day. Every day and every hour, it is up to us to decide how we’re going to respond to situations, people, problems and plans.

External factors can have the power to influence us, lead us to feel pressured, or respond out of habit only in accordance to how much we allow them to. And that’s just it. How much will we allow them to? We have a free will. That leaves us with a responsibility to choose the good, true, just, and lovely if we want to enjoy our lives. Even the desire to break out of old, negative patterns requires us to make a choice. Ultimately, we are in control of our choices and attitudes.

Another key point that determined the good attitude I had for the day was the expression of my heartfelt gratitude as I enjoyed the beauty of the brightness from the sun. A heart of gratitude always improves our attitude. A grateful heart keeps our focus on the good in people, the possibilities, and the simple enjoyment and refreshing that can come from the things we so often take for granted.

Regardless of the weather or any other external factors, keeping our focus right will help us maintain a healthy attitude of hope and expectation of good things to come. The warmth of the sun, the brightness of its light, the shimmer of its beauty never changes. Clouds can block it but can’t take it away.

The next time the clouds threaten to take your sunshine away, remember that it is shining just as bright as ever. You don’t have to wait for the clouds to lift to experience its warmth or to appreciate its beauty. Let it remind you that God’s mercies are new every morning. He doesn’t change like the weather or people or situations do. He is always there to brighten up even your darkest day. His light will help you to see that there is hope no matter what the situation. The warmth of His love will wrap around you and keep you safe in His care. You can rejoice and be glad for this is the day the Lord has made and He wants you to enjoy it!

Copyright 2006 Krystal Kuehn
Do You See The Clouds or Sunshine? It's Your Choice
Mirror Newspaper, Dec. 15, 2005, Vol. 2, Number 15
by Krystal Kuehn

Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your Creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self-starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don't waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail. ~Og Mandino

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind... let it be something good. ~Author Unknown

Light is sweet; how pleasant to see a new day dawning. ~Ecclesiastes

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse DUI classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com, BeHappy4Life.com , NewSongProductions.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Practice Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Gratitude

2011-11-30T07:24:00.000-05:00

Practice Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Gratitude by Dennis Liegghio (excerpt from Building a Foundation for Happiness )

Acceptance

A great deal of my anger, disappointment, frustration and despair came from unmet expectations… expectations that I was holding onto of myself, of others and of life. I spent many years wasting my energy wishing that people, and life in general was different. Unrealistic and unmet expectations are counterproductive to finding peace and balance and happiness. I was constantly miserable, ungrateful and dissatisfied.

Change is necessary, constant and unavoidable. Nothing stays the same. What is “fair” or “just” or “right” does not exist – only what “is”. We have no control over other people’s beliefs, actions or behaviors – people aren’t what we think or wish they “should” be – they simply “are”.
Acceptance is achieved by letting go of our expectations and planting ourselves firmly in what “is” – for that is reality, the only thing that matters. Focusing on anything else is a waste of time, energy and health and it really is as simple as that. The next time you find yourself getting angry or frustrated about something you simply can’t do anything about, calmly remind yourself to focus on what you can control (your reaction) and let go what you cannot (everything else).

“Happiness equals reality minus expectations.” – Tom Magliozzi

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about being in the moment – not dwelling on the past, not worrying about the future, simply being where you are right now and experiencing only that. Practicing and cultivating mindfulness relieved a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety in my life. I lived in a constant state of worry, frustration and panic and I didn’t even know it.

When I first started learning about mindfulness, my first step was to simply notice when I started getting into these obsessive thought cycles (about work, about whoever I was dating, about what had to get done, or what I should have said, or what this person thought of me… are they mad at me? Did I piss them off somehow? Oh my god, I have so much work to do tomorrow, I’m never going to get everything done. On and on and on and on!)

So I learned to take notice of this, and interrupt myself. I would touch something nearby (a wall, a piece of furniture, etc.) and take three very deep breaths. Breathe in, hold for a few seconds, and breathe out. It was a 30 second break to remind myself that wherever I was, whatever I was doing – it was the only thing that I could be doing, the only thing that mattered. I practiced and repeated this simple exercise whenever and wherever I could: taking a shower, shaving, brushing my teeth, driving, writing, playing my guitar, walking, spending time with someone. After a month or two (of daily practice), it became habit.

Soon enough, it seemed almost anything that I was doing could be seen as an opportunity to practice being present. Walking, washing dishes, cleaning the house, writing a song, driving. I found so many opportunities to practice mindfulness in my daily routines and it helped me to become more patient, kind and focused. You can only exist in this moment. Practice being fully present in whatever it is that you are doing.

Gratitude

In my darkest times, I was focused solely on everything that I wanted or needed or didn’t have. I focused on how successful or happy others were (in my eyes) and wasted all my time wishing my life or house or family was more like theirs. It was an endless cycle of negativity and wanting – nothing was ever good enough. It’s easy to get stuck in a thought pattern of what we wish we had, or to focus on what other’s have that we don’t – but it’s pointless and insignificant to live by comparison when the reality is that we have so much to be grateful for everyday.

What we need to survive is a very short list: air, food, water, shelter, and human connection. Everything else is a want, a luxury, a gift – and these gifts should be reflected on and appreciated. As I learned to practice gratitude, on a daily basis, for everything and everyone that I had in my life, what was missing became insignificant.

Take some time each morning when you rise and each night before going to sleep to reflect on the gifts in your life. Even in my darkest hours there were people, experiences and gifts each day that I could be grateful for. Keep a gratitude journal, take lots of pictures, create photo albums – reminders of who and what you are thankful for and surround yourself with these things.

Yes, there are hard times – financial hardships, job losses, breakups, accidents, injuries, sicknesses, challenges, obstacles, uncertainties and minor everyday irritations. We all face this stuff throughout our lives, and nobody’s life is perfect or without struggle (no matter how perfect you think it is). There are ups and downs, sometimes we have less, sometimes we have more – but there are things to be grateful for in our lives everyday and THAT is what we need to shift our focus to. Once you learn how to adopt an “attitude of gratitude” you’ll find that the grass is green on your side too.

Building a Foundation for Happiness
by Dennis Liegghio
http://www.detourproject.org/

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more. ~Brother David Steindl-Rast

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~ Melodie Beattie

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. ~Denis Waitley

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Give Thanks at All Times - Good and Bad

2011-11-22T12:58:00.000-05:00

It is really easy to be thankful when things are going well. But how do we stay thankful when they are not? It may be difficult, but practicing gratitude at all times is one of the best ways to make it through setbacks and disappointments. It keeps us hopeful and reminds us that we made it through hard times before. It helps us to see that life is still good. Circumstances may be negative, but they can change. People may hurt us, but we can heal. Losses may never be recovered, but we can gain something new. The more we practice gratitude for what is good, right, beautiful and hopeful, the more real it becomes to us. So whether we are going through some bad times or the best of times, it is always appropriate and empowering to be thankful.

Following is a poem that helps remind us why we can be thankful at all times.

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful in the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful when you have limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful during the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful in the midst of your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

~ Author unknown.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melody Beattie

If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul. ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

A thankful person is thankful under all circumstances. A complaining soul complains even if he lives in paradise. ~Baha’u’llah

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus

Find the good and praise it. ~Alex Haley

Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot. ~Hausa of Nigeria

If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. ~Gerald Good

Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Services. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse DUI classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com, BeHappy4Life.com , NewSongProductions.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Slow Down

2011-11-15T12:30:00.000-05:00

Slow Down by Dennis Liegghio (excerpt from Building a Foundation for Happiness )

We often generate unnecessary worry, stress and anxiety for ourselves. We can reduce our level of stress, worry and anxiety by learning how to slow down. You don’t NEED to be constantly “connected” (cell phones, email, texting, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) The age of information has become the age of distraction and we are stressing ourselves out. We are constantly bombarded by the information and distractions that we have available at our fingertips (along with a ridiculous amount of advertising for things that we don’t need) and it has trashed our attention spans. Life offers so many moments of joy and wonder, but if you are moving too fast, you’ll never notice them.

Give yourself some time away from these distractions – shut off your phone an hour or two before going to bed, wait until you’ve gotten ready before turning it back on in the morning. Check your email, Facebook, Twitter, etc. at certain times throughout the day and then log off. Leave your cell phone behind (or at least on silent) when you are eating, or visiting with someone. When you are driving around in a vehicle that can take your life, or the lives of others at a moments notice, you do not need to be talking on your cell phone or texting someone or updating your Facebook status. Believe me, whatever it is, it can wait until you are where you need to be, safe and sound.

You are only capable of doing one thing at a time, so set your priorities and focus on doing ONE thing at a time. Multi-tasking and rushing around only leads to stress and mistakes. You may think you’re being more efficient, but you end up creating more headaches for yourself.

You can practice slowing down in almost any moment. When you are showering, brushing your teeth, washing dishes, etc., try to focus solely on that experience. This takes time and practice, and you will be shocked at how often your brain automatically leads you into other thoughts about the past and the future, but realize when that is happening, and gently bring yourself back to concentrating only on the task at hand.

Suggestions for Slowing Down:

Building a Foundation for Happiness
by Dennis Liegghio
http://www.detourproject.org/

At the root of much worry is the issue of control. When we feel out of control, we worry. When events are beyond our control, we worry. Like it or not, however, much of life remains beyond our control. It takes a lot of energy to try to control the uncontrollable. There is another way--if we can learn to embrace uncertainty, we will be able to live in peace, even in the midst of great uncertainty.~ Daniel Grippo

<< Back to Best Your Best Home

8 Simple Ways to Be Your Best

2011-11-01T12:05:00.002-04:00

If we stop to think about it, there are so many things to be grateful for. As I was reflecting on all the good things, people, and blessings I enjoy, I starting compiling a long list. It seemed it would never end. In all actually, it never will end because our blessings are new every morning. In this article, I share eight simple ways to be your best. I believe we can all be grateful for the opportunities we have and the freedom we have to choose to be our best every day.

1. We can be free from negativity.
A while back I decided that I was going to stay away from as many negative influences as I possibly could. I ended some unhealthy relationships in the process. I realized that being around critical, negative people was not only unpleasant, but it rubbed off on me. Being around more optimistic, hopeful people surrounded me with a positive influence that was energizing and motivating. I can minimize negative influences in my life by making better choices in what I watch and read as well. Good and wholesome, edifying and positive influences help to keep my mind and emotions healthy.

2. We can have peace in my minds and hearts.

Fear, worry, anxiety and depression…They all rob me of inner peace. Whenever I get overwhelmed with stress and its negative effects, I immediately take a time out. I know how discouragement can keep us down if we let it. It leads to self-pity and ultimately to defeat and despair. Years of experience have taught me that bad times don’t last forever. Things that seem so pressing right now are not as important as I make them to be in the big scheme of things. I remind myself: this too shall pass. I slow myself down. I recall the source of my help and the many times I have overcome in the past. I draw on my inner strengths and trust in God to help me. As busyness and distractions subside, I begin to see things from a more realistic and hopeful perspective. I become free of things that once bound me and shook my confidence, threatened my security, and dimmed my hope. I have new courage to take necessary steps for change. I gain wisdom and learn to accept what is not in my control. Peace returns to my mind and heart.

3. We can learn from our mistakes.

When I make mistakes or say and do things I later regret, I found that I end up with two choices. I can either entertain feelings of guilt, regret, anger, blame, or I can take responsibility, apologize if necessary, and learn from my mistakes and regrets. Beating myself up over something doesn’t really teach me a lesson. It just makes me more upset and frustrated with myself. Realizing this has taught me the importance of forgiving myself and accepting that I am not perfect, no one is. I can extend the same grace to myself as I do to others when they miss it. I don’t want to punish them by constantly reminding them of their mistakes. Nor do I want to reject them for their human weaknesses and imperfections. In the same way, I will not punish myself by holding on to guilt, anger, and regret. I believe we can become better if we will learn from our mistakes and regrets, know when to let them go, and come out better as a result.

4. We can learn to appreciate and like who we are.

It’s not easy to love others when we do not love ourselves. Once I realized the importance of this simple truth, I decided to stop complaining about the things I didn’t like about who I am. Instead, I started to change the things I could and accept the things I could not change. As a result, I was more able to appreciate myself and my unique God-given gifts and talents. The more I did this, the more I noticed and received the appreciation and love I got from others. My desire to be my best really began to flourish and bring much joy to me. It was simply accepting and liking myself that enabled me to love and bless others with all that I am.

5. We can have control over our thoughts.

I can choose what I want to think about. Negative thoughts cannot stay if I do not allow them to. It seems the more we focus on something that is bothersome to us, the more if affects our mood and overall outlook. For this reason, I do not spend too much time thinking about life’s disappointments and losses. Instead, I think about how to overcome them and I recall past victories. I have control over my thoughts and I can focus on things that build my faith, make me strong and hopeful, and encourage me. Sometimes I need to remind myself that my thought life is in my control. No one can put thoughts in my mind that I have to receive. I can decide what will stay and what will go. Although I may not be able to control how I feel, I can control what I choose to think and dwell upon and what I choose to do.

6. We can choose to forgive and be free.

There is no prison like that of unforgiveness. It keeps us bound to bitterness, resentment, and unhappiness. It hurts us more than it hurts anyone else. For this reason, forgiving is more a benefit to us than it is to the person(s) who hurt us. I have learned that if my willingness to forgive is contingent on apologies or justice, it may never happen. I have to do it for me. It is not easy. Actually, it can be the most difficult thing we ever do for ourselves. Forgiving is a process. It begins with a decision to release whoever or whatever it is we are holding on to. I do this believing that people reap what they sow. You can’t sow thistles and expect to reap daffodils. When people sow deceit, gossip, greediness, selfishness, and so on, they reap its fruit. When I choose to sow forgiveness, I reap peace and freedom. I am thankful that my mind and emotions can heal when I forgive.

7. We can know and experience love.

I believe God is love and when we receive His amazing love, it works miracles in our lives. I once said: The power of love is amazing and never-ending. It can motivate, energize, inspire, and strengthen. Love can do in a person what nothing else can do. Love has the power to revive and change lives, restore relationships, and bring healing. All else may fail, but love never fails. When you think about it, most of the love we know and experience has to do with relationships. That is why I do a great deal of writing on the topic (The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships). Love is the foundation of healthy and successful relationships. Love is what we live for. I am thankful for the experience of giving and receiving love.

8. We can live a lifestyle of true and lasting joy

True and lasting happiness is not something we can pursue as much as it is a lifestyle we live. I have learned that our lives are made up of many habits. Some are good and some are bad. It all shapes who we are and contributes to our well-being and happiness. When we make a deliberate effort to be our best, we find we have to change some things. Since I came to this conclusion, I began to replace some old and bad habits with new and healthy ones. I practiced seeing the glass half full rather than half empty. I practiced patience to keep myself from acting on impulse. I allowed myself to make mistakes rather than be driven by perfection. I learned to relax and be at peace rather than become worried and anxious. It takes determination, self-discipline, and lots of practice to break old habits and establish new ones. Changing and improving our lifestyle is actually shaping our character and becoming our best. I want to fulfill my potential and I realize that the only way to do so is to live a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. I am thankful that this is possible and I have all the tools I need to be all that I am destined to be. (for more info see The 9 Habits of Happy People)

Far from being exhaustive, the above list is just a start to the many reasons I am thankful for the opportunities I have to be my best. In making this list, I am reminded of the very active role I need to take in maintaining good mental health. This list also helped me to identify the many things I can do to keep mentally and emotionally healthy. How can you be your best every day? I encourage you to add your own ideas and experiences to this list and be your best every day!

Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. NewDayCounseling.org & BeHappy4Life.com

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow. ~Doug Firebaugh

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still. ~Chinese Proverb

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling. ~Margaret Lee Runbeck

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

New Day Counseling is a marriage family counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer relationship counseling, couples counseling / marriage therapy, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management class and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse group and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT Adult Anxiety and Depression Support Group today.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, go to New Day Counseling Center. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Go Back Be Your Best Home

Perspective - It's All the Way You Look At It

2011-10-24T20:15:00.001-04:00

There is little difference in people, but that difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative. ~W.Clement Stone

We might describe ourselves as an optimist, a pessimist, or somewhere in-between. But regardless who is right or wrong about a matter, it is the optimist that always tends to be the one who is more hopeful and happy. Join me as we experience a typical day in the life of an optimist and a pessimist. The following story is about perspective and how the same situation can be experienced so differently:

Early Saturday morning the optimist awakens with anticipation and gratitude for the new day. He looks forward to getting together with his friend for a stroll in the park. The pessimist awakens to another day expecting more of the same—the same problems, frustrations, and negativity. When they greet each other at the park, the optimist comments on what a beautiful, sunny day it is. The pessimist says, “You never know how long it will last. It could get cloudy and rain as far as we know.”

Along their way, the Optimist notices a group of teenagers playing ball and blaring a radio near by them. The Optimist says, “It’s so nice to see young people having so much fun together—playing sports and getting exercise.” “You can’t be serious,” retorts the Pessimist. “Teens are troublemakers. Listen to that horrible music. They’re all angry and rebellious. And, on top of that, they get so aggressive in sports, I’m surprised there are not more injuries.”

Next, they walk to the bridge and see a sign stating that the bridge is temporarily closed due to construction. The Optimist suggests, “Let’s go around another way. It’ll be just as nice and we can enjoy the scenery along the other side of the park. The Pessimist angrily replies, “Taxpayer dollars are being wasted again. The bridge was just fine. Now we have to take the long way around because of their incompetence.”

On the other side of the Park, the Optimist notices a couple playfully hugging and kissing. “That is so beautiful! It looks like they’re in love.” “Yeah, right,” exclaims the Pessimist. “They’re just putting on a show. If they want to be all affectionate and loving, they shouldn’t be in a public place.”

The stroll in the park continued along in the same predictable manner. And later that evening, when both the Optimist and Pessimist were asked by friends how their day went, The Optimist shared, “It was a great day. The park was filled with people having fun, and there was so much to see and enjoy.” The Pessimist described his day saying, “There is nothing good about this town. Annoying people are everywhere. The bridge was even down, and there really wasn’t much to like about it.”

Wow, What a difference in perspective! Is there any wonder why the Pessimist remains negative and oftentimes is unhappy? First, he doesn’t expect the nice weather to last. He is actually expressing the attitude that some people have—that nothing good ever lasts for very long, so don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed. Then, he generalizes that all teens are angry and rebellious. When the bridge is closed, instead of making the best of the situation, he complains and blames others. And later, he gets annoyed by displays of love and affection.

The Optimist, on the other hand, focuses on the good things—and spends his day appreciating and enjoying it. When obstacles arise, he copes in a healthy manner and doesn’t let it ruin his day or attitude.

Now, who would you rather be around? Or, I should ask, what perspective would you rather have? Most of us would like to be more like the Optimist. The Optimist is more likely to have inner joy, peace, and hope. The Optimist is loving towards others. And, the Optimist has inner strength to cope with life’s challenges.

I’d like to encourage you that with practice, we can ALL become more optimistic in our outlook.

I hope you have a great week & see all the good in it!

Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power. ~William James

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. ~ Kahlil Gibran

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties."~ Harry Truman

The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton

Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. ~Katherine Mansfield

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault

Perspective - It's All the Way You Look At It - written by Krystal Kuehn
Copyright © 2008 New Day Counseling Services

New Day Counseling Services is a family marriage counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / relationship counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT Adult Anxiety & Depression Support Group .

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, go to New Day Counseling Services. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Are We Falling Out of Love? (from Help Save My Marriage Counseling Series)

2011-10-17T12:18:00.004-04:00

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin

Before a marriage or relationship ends, one or both partners usually claim that they are no longer “in love”. The passion, affection, and harmony that were once present are now replaced with disagreements, emotional withdrawal and physical distancing.

Relationships grow and develop as partners change and adapt to life and each other. It is an ongoing process. At the beginning of a new relationship, love is intoxicating. Differences and incompatibilities go unnoticed. This highly enjoyable stage of a relationship doesn’t last forever. Soon after the excitement wears off, partners have an opportunity to get to know and accept each other for who they really are. It is at this point that they discover the hard work that happy and successful relationships require.

Every relationship has conflicts. When they arise, a couple’s love and commitment will be tested. The real difference between a successful marriage or relationship and a troubled one is the level of their commitment to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples work on resolving their conflicts. They persevere and stay committed to the relationship. If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help including professional help such as marriage counseling. On the contrary, a relationship with unresolved conflicts grows distant. Eventually, layers upon layers of hurt feelings, insecurities, and unresolved issues develop which lead to more serious relationship problems.

Most couples want their marriages to work. For most, it’s a matter of rekindling their love and acceptance of one another, learning how to resolve conflicts, becoming better listeners, and resolving to stay committed to each other. There is no perfect marriage or relationship. Marriages go through changes and allow partners to grow closer and deeper in love as a result.

Falling out of love usually means falling out of commitment. If you want to fall back in love, it begins with a commitment to your partner. Are you willing to resolve your conflicts when they occur rather than ignore them or allow them escalate? Share your feelings and thoughts with love and acceptance rather than criticism and judgment? Focus on what you like about each other rather than what can be improved? Accept your differences and agree that you can disagree and still love and respect each other? Be thankful for and appreciate your partner? Make time for each other? Show your partner respect and love every day? Get professional help if you need it?

Being in love is one of the greatest experiences in the world. It’s more than a good feeling that eventually fades. It’s an intimate connection with another human being unlike any other. It involves a life commitment that surpasses feelings and reaches deep into the soul where true love resides. This love lasts forever and is unconditional. It is not dependent upon feelings or circumstances. It is eternal and true. It is a love every marriage can experience.

Relationships can be restored. Love can be rekindled. Marriages can be happy and succeed. Sometimes what is needed more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, commitment, sexuality and intimacy, conflict resolution, money issues, romance, crisis, cheat-proofing your marriage.

Rather than enduring an unhappy or troubled marriage, or becoming another statistic of divorce, make today a new day of commitment to your marriage! Get some help that can make all the difference and save your relationship today!

Are We Falling Out of Love? (from Help Save My Marriage Counseling Series)
Copyright © 2009 New Day Family Marriage Counseling written by Krystal Kuehn
This article is a part of the Help Save My Marriage Counseling collection by Krystal.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. ~W. Somerset Maugham
It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp. ~unknown

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but musst live with a character. ~Peter De Vrie

New Day Counseling is a family marriage counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT ADULT DEPRESSION & ANXIETY SUPPORT GROUP

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, visit newdaycounseling.org. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

What Are We Holding On to? (from Help Save My Marriage Counseling Series)

2011-10-03T16:41:00.001-04:00

You know something is wrong in your marriage. Love is not the problem. You love each other although you do not always act like it. Commitment to the relationship and to stay together through hardships may not be the problem either. But, there is something that continues to keep you apart emotionally, physically, intimately.

There was a time when you felt secure and safe together. If you hurt each other, you apologized or showed somehow that you were really sorry. You did not let tensions build or hold grudges. You wanted to continue getting along and enjoying being together. But over time, some conflicts never really got resolved. They could have been pushed under the rug or become triggers to major blowouts. Over time, habits and differences became more annoying and more difficult to accept. Blame instead of shared responsibility became the norm. Personal attacks or insults became the more common reaction to feeling rejected, angry, or hurt. Instead of going to each other for support, comfort, and love, you began to distance yourselves from each other. It is as though your hearts were growing cold.

Distancing in a relationship keeps people apart on all levels. You do not have the trust you once had for your partner so you do not draw close emotionally. You do not feel the same affection and attraction because there is greater focus on what you do not like, respect, or appreciate about your partner. Distancing leads to greater problems if couples do not make efforts to draw close to one another.

What keeps couples in this dangerous state? It might start with pride or a sense of self-sufficiency, but it eventually becomes a hardened heart. A heart that is hardened blocks the flow of love. It forfeits peace and acceptance. It holds on to unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is detrimental to any marriage or relationship. With unforgiveness, there is an underlying attitude that “you owe me.” Yes, perhaps, an apology was never given that should have been or you were not treated right. Maybe you were terribly wronged, mistreated, and hurt. Forgiving someone does not make it okay. What it does is set you free, free to love unconditionally, free to know inner peace, free to connect with others on a deeper level, free to enjoy life.

Offenses and injustices need to be discussed and resolved. If they are not addressed in a relationship, they can lead to serious problems and keep a couple in a state of discontent. Think about anything that you have been holding on to that has blocked the flow of love in your heart. A hard heart can be softened, but you must choose to let love in. Will you open your heart? Will you face what has hurt you and work through it until you can release the hold it has on you?

Can a marriage be saved when there is unforgiveness and hardened hearts? Yes, it can when you decide to open your heart by releasing all that is holding love back. Let love in. Love is a healing balm that makes you whole—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Love unites. If softens and fills you with hope and peace. It lifts the heaviness that weighed you down for far too long. Marriages can be restored when offenses are released and forgiveness takes place. Soften your hearts towards one another and make room for love to grow. Love has always been there, but it was blocked. Let forgiveness unblock its flow today and save your marriage!

You and your partner may really want your marriage to work and do what it takes to save your relationship, but you may not know just where to begin or how to make the changes necessary. A marriage counselor can help you reach your goals and restore the love and respect needed to make your marriage work. You have a great deal to hold on to and believe in for your marriage. It can get better, stronger, and closer than ever before if you get the help you need today and hold on to the hope of having a happy and successful marriage for a lifetime.

Now join hands, and with your hands your hearts . ~~ William Shakespeare

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. ~Alexandra Penney

Never say goodbye when you still want to try. Never give up when you feel you can still take it. Never say you don’t love that person anymore when you can’t let go. ~unknown

What Are We Holding On to? (from Save My Marriage Counseling Series)
Copyright © 2009 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Center
This article is a part of the Help Save My Marriage Counseling collection by Krystal.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

New Day Counseling is a family marriage counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT ADULT DEPRESSION & ANXIETY SUPPORT GROUP

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to BeYourBest Home

Learning to Become All We Can Be

2011-09-26T12:02:00.000-04:00

It is already September and it's back to school for children as well as for adults pursuing higher education. As I was thinking about education, I thought about how we have so many opportunities to continue to learn every single day. If we stop learning, we stop living. Not only does learning help us grow, develop new skills, and prepare us for work and service, but it helps us to know and appreciate our world.

I see education as a gift that leads us to freedom and insight. With education, we can become free of bad habits by learning what steps to take for real change. We can develop new skills by getting the necessary instruction we need. We can make better choices by getting direction that guides our path. We can maximize our potential as we learn more and put into practice what we already know. We can learn and relate to others better by learning from our mistakes.

We are never too young or too old to learn something new. We just need to apply ourselves, listen, and learn. I believe education is freedom because the truth sets us free. Ignorance leads to bondage and keeps us from becoming all we can be. Let's encourage our children to value education and do their best. Develop a love for learning. Show respect for those who teach us. Seek wisdom, knowledge, and discernment. Learn from the experiences of everyday life. Let mistakes be life lessons. Let problems push us to learn and find solutions. Let challenges motivate us to conquer. And let us be thankful that life is an ongoing education. Living is a learning experience!

May we all have another blessed year of learning and growing!

Krystal

Life Lessons Exercise:

At the end of each day, write down 2-3 things you have learned throughout the day. It can be anything. You may have gained greater insight into something you already had some knowledge about. You may have learned an inspiring truth or a sad reality. You may have learned how to be or not to be from someone else's example. You may have learned a simple lesson from another person's good luck or misfortune. You may have learned that you are more special and loved than you had realized. The list never ends.

This simple exercise can be very empowering. It can help us to recognize and appreciate our daily life experiences. It can help us to grow and become better than we were as we reflect and allow ourselves to learn from all life has to teach us.

Life is a journey and an educational experience. What have you learned today?

Learning to Become All We Can Be written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
New Day Counseling Center
Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com, Krystal Kuehn

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.~Alvin Toffler

Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will. ~Vernon Howard

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. ~Clay P. Bedford

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. ~ Confucius

Life is a learning experience, only if you learn.~Yogi Berra

I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn. ~ Albert Einstein

Everyone and everything around you is your teacher.~Ken Keyes

Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. ~Benjamin Franklin

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward. ~Henry Ford

The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change. ~Carl Rogers

True learning can take place at every age of life, and it doesn't have to be in the curriculum plan. ~Suzanne Dale Ezell

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

New Day Counseling is a marriage family counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer relationship counseling, couples counseling / marriage therapy, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management class and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse group and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT Adult Anxiety and Depression Support Group today.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, go to New Day Counseling Center. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

The Power of Choice

2011-09-15T12:02:00.000-04:00

Every day we make countless choices. We may be tempted to quit, and we must choose if we will persevere. We may want to cry because of a mistake we have made, but we can choose to laugh at ourselves instead. We can allow our anger to become bitter and hateful, or we can choose to release it and let love work in and through us. Excuses can be made for why we procrastinate, or we can choose to take responsibility and action. The words we say and the things we do don't just happen. We choose the words we speak. We choose our attitudes. And we choose our actions and behaviors. That is a pretty big responsibility. No one besides us is responsible for our choices. Sure, they may influence them, but ultimately our choices are up to us.

What a privilege, what a freedom we have! Within our power is the ability to make choices that can change our lives and destinies. Within our power is the ability to make choices that can positively or negatively influence others and our world. Within our power is the ability choose what can bring life instead of death to dreams, hopes, and visions. Our choices have lasting impact on us, others, and our world. May we take this remarkable privilege seriously and use it for good every day of our lives!!

USE WISELY YOUR POWER OF CHOICE

Choose to love rather than hate.

Choose to laugh rather than cry.

Choose to create rather than destroy.

Choose to persevere rather than quit.

Choose to praise rather than gossip.

Choose to heal rather than wound.

Choose to give rather than steal.

Choose to act rather than procrastinate.

Choose to grow rather than rot.

Choose to pray rather than curse.

Choose to live rather than die.

           ~Og Mandino

There may be a thousand little choices in a day. All of them count. * You may think that in life, a lot of things happen to you along the way. The truth is, in life, you happen to a lot of things along the way. * Choosing to live your life by your own choice is the greatest freedom you will ever have. ~Shad Helmstetter

Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: it is not to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. ~William Jennings Bryant

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. ~Kahlil Gibran

Every morning when I get up, the first thing I decide is: What do I want? Misery? Blisfullness?   What am I going to choose today? And it happens that I always choose blissfulness. It is my choice, it is my life. ~Adullah

Life's not about expecting, hoping and wishing, it's about doing, being and becoming. It's about the choices you've just made, and the ones you're about to make, it's about the things you choose to say - today. It's about what you're gonna do after you finish reading this. ~Mike Dooley

This bright, new day... complete with 24 hours of opportunities, choices, and attitudes… a perfectly matched set of 1440 minutes.This unique gift, this one day, cannot be exchanged, replaced or refunded. Handle with care. Make the most of it. There is only one to a customer. ~Author Unknown

Copyright © 2011 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer relationship counseling, couples counseling / marriage therapy, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management class and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse group and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT Adult Anxiety & Depression Support Group today.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, go to New Day Counseling Center. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

When Is It Safe to Leave Kids Home Alone?

2011-09-13T12:07:00.001-04:00

We leave our children with babysitters, teachers, child care workers and other parents, but when is it safe to leave them home alone? The most common age for children to stay home alone is usually 12 years old. Most states have not enacted legislation regarding the age when children can be left unsupervised. Therefore, it is up to the parent to make a responsible decision that is most appropriate for both them and the child.

A child should not be left home alone until both the parent and child are ready. It is normal for parents to feel a little anxious when they first leave their child home alone. The parent will need to feel that the child can be trusted to be responsible when left unsupervised.

The experience of being home alone requires the child to be more independent. The child will need to feel confident and safe. It is important to prepare and teach the child some safety rules. For example, a child should know what to do in case of an emergency, if someone comes to the door, or if a stranger calls. Phone numbers need to be available. The parent should also be able to get in contact with the child by phone at all times. The child also needs to be sure that he or she can get a hold of the parent if necessary.

When leaving children home alone, it is best to start with short periods of time so both the parent and child can become accustomed to this new responsibility that the child is entrusted with. It is best to start with a few practice runs lasting a half hour or so with the parent nearby and easily accessible. It can eventually build up to a couple of hours as long as the parent and child are comfortable with the arrangements.

There should be clear rules when children stay home alone and unsupervised. First, they must understand the importance of following the rules for their safety. Some rules can include:

> Do not answer the door (or phone, unless it is parent)
> Keep doors and windows locked
> Do not leave house while parent is gone
> Have contact phone numbers readily available
> Complete assigned chores or homework

> Depending on age, there should be specific rules about cooking and kitchen safety
> Have set TV time and shows allowed
> Have computer/internet rules

Leaving children home alone is something all parents eventually have to do as their children become more independent. By taking simple steps to set some rules and make it safe, it can be a very good, growing experience for both children and their parents.

"Safety First" is "Safety Always." ~Charles M. Hayes

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. ~- Marie Curie

When you're prepared, you're more confident. When you have a strategy, you're more comfortable. ~Fred Couples

Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them. ~Lady Bird Johnson

The best training any parent can give a child is to train the child to train himself. ~A. P. Gouthey

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him. ~Booker T. Washington

Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a marriage counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer relationship counseling, couples counseling / marriage therapy, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management class and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT Adult Anxiety & Depression Support Group today.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, go to New Day Counseling Center. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to BeYourBest Home

Battling the Back-to-School Blues

2011-09-06T11:21:00.001-04:00

Battling the Back-To-School Blues
by Dr. Charles Fay

Parents can make the first days of school fun rather than frustrating.

Too frequently, children begin the school year unprepared to succeed, quickly experience frustration and failure, and get turned–off to learning. However, kids can love instead of loath the first days of school; they just need a little help from mom and dad. Here's how:

Tip #1: Give your children the gift of chores.

Children who regularly do chores at home find it much easier to do assignments at school. Why? Both schoolwork and chores require perseverance, delayed gratification, and attention to detail. When parents expect chores to be done without reminders and without pay, children also learn how to work independently and to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of accomplishment.

Tip #2: In a loving way, hold your children accountable for their chores.

Parents who nag and remind their children to do chores raise kids who expect their teachers to nag and remind them to do assignments. These children don't do well in school. Smarter parents ask their children to do their chores, bite their tongues, and let empathy and consequences do the teaching. Why empathy? When parents deliver sincere doses of empathy or sadness before describing consequences, their children learn responsibility rather than resentment. A parent might say:

How sad… I love you so much, but you forgot to clean your bathroom today. Now I don't have the energy to take you swimming. This really stinks.

Tip #3: Limit television, videos, videogames, and other "entertaining" activities.

Children who are used to being entertained during the summer by fast-paced TV shows, movies, games, and trips to the amusement park go into shock when they enter the classroom. Before long, they begin to complain about how "boring" their teachers are and how much they dislike school. Love and Logic parents help their children transition back to school by making their homes so "boring" that their kids can't wait to be back in class!

Tip #4: Have fun with reading and writing.

During the first week of school, teachers can always tell the difference between the children who've been read to during the summer and those who have not. Spend at least 20 minutes per day reading with your kids. Experiment with reading one page, asking your child to read the next, and alternating back and forth. Writing is important too! Experiment with having your child spend the two weeks prior to the start of school making and writing cards for friends and relatives. Your child's writing skills will grow… and so will these relationships!

With these practical tips from The Love and Logic® Institute, you can give your kids an advantage in school that will last for months, years, and a lifetime! Parents around the world have benefited from the power of these four down-to-earth tips. Now it's your turn to give your kids the head start they deserve!

Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.
©2001 Dr. Charles Fay

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. ~Clay P. Bedford

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. ~William Arthur Ward

What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child. ~George Bernard Shaw

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. ~Aristotle

Knowledge exists to be imparted. -Emerson

Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself. ~John Dewey

The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives. ~Robert Maynard Hutchins
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. ~Attributed to both Andy McIntyre and Derek Bok

New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management class and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT Adult Anxiety & Depression Support Group

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, go to New Day Counseling Center. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to BeYourBest Home

What Happened to Our Vows? (from the Help Save My Marriage Counseling Series)

2011-08-30T11:21:00.002-04:00

Passion can never purchase what true love desires: true intimacy, self-giving, and commitment.

When people make a promise to us, we usually expect and hope that they will keep it. Especially when it is from those we love and care about. We want to trust them and have the security of knowing that we can count on their word.

How about in marriage? Do people stay committed to their promises?

Think about the marriage vows couples make to each other. Vows are promises. They usually include notions of affection (promises to love and respect one another) as well as faithfulness (promises to remain true and to stay together).

The following is an excerpt of marriage vows made by so many. I am sure they will sound familiar:

To have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Why are vows hard to keep sometimes? It is because relationships are hard work! When difficult times come (and they will), when feelings or circumstances change, there is one thing that will keep a couple together and that is their commitment to their marriage.

The real difference between a successful marriage and a troubled one is the level of each partner's commitment to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples work on resolving their conflicts. They don’t give up; they stay committed to the relationship.

If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help such as marriage counseling. They work on keeping their promises. Let us look at some of them again:

They promised: For better or for worse. So when it gets worse, they work together to make it better.

They promised: For richer or poorer. So when financial problems arise, they work together to pull out of them.

They promised: In sickness and in health. If sickness or tragedy strikes, or when they grow old, they cope with the challenges together and support each other in any way they can.

They promised: to love and to cherish. They can do this when they understand that true love is more than a feeling. It is a commitment.

And finally, they promised each other: Till death do us part. That means that they will remain faithful, resist temptations, and stay committed to their marriage for as long as they live.

Now that is a huge commitment with some very serious promises! I really believe that most couples want their marriages to work. Sometimes what they need more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, conflict resolution, money issues, sexuality & intimacy, romance. I know that professional marriage counseling can be of help in many cases. It can help couples to develop some insight and understand, gain necessary tools to improve communication, restore love and respect, increase intimacy, and strengthen the marriage bond.

I hope to encourage you to stay true to your commitments. If necessary, get some marriage counseling help, make needed changes, learn more. Remember, your level of commitment will affect the quality of your marriage.

Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still. ~Robert Sternberg

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin

What Happened to Our Vows? (from the Help Save My Marriage Counseling Series)
Copyright © 2009 New Day Family Marriage Counseling written by Krystal Kuehn

New Day Counseling is a family marriage counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT ADULT DEPRESSION & ANXIETY SUPPORT GROUP

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to BeYourBest Home

Never Give Up

2011-08-22T11:49:00.001-04:00

Life can be hard, unfair, painful, and confusing. Sometimes it is overwhelming and we feel defeated. We may face situations that we do not think we can overcome and we just want to give up. We may lose faith and give up on ourselves, on others, and sometimes on life itself. Following are simple words of encouragement to remind you that you can and will make it through the problems you face if you do not quit. Today, you can choose to believe for the best in your life, receive God's strength, get back up, and be encouraged to never give up!!

Never Give Up

Never give up believing things will get better.
Never give up trying.
Never give up pursuing your goals.
Never give up on yourself.

Never give up…
No matter how many times you fall.
No matter how hard you get hit.
No matter what has happened in the past.
No matter how bad things might be.
No matter how discouraged you feel.
No matter how much you are tempted to doubt.....

But believe…

Believe…

because….there is HOPE

Let hope strengthen you to get back up again.
Let hope be your anchor in the storm.
Let hope encourage you to never give up!

Please take a moment to watch the video and listen to Would You Still Do It. This very moving, passionate stop suicide song for suicide prevention is a reminder that although you may want to give up or have felt or said I want to die, there is hope no matter how hopeless it seems; there is healing no matter how much it hurts; there are people who really do care and want to help. *If you or someone you know is depressed, suicidal, or engaged in self-destructive behaviors, please get help today.

Never Give Up by Krystal Kuehn taken from: Hope for Depression
Copyright © 2006, 2011 NewDayCounseling.org, StopSuicideSong.com, All Rights Reserved.

Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on. ~ Les Brown

You are never strong enough that you don't need help. ~ Cesar Chavez

There is no one giant step that does it. It's a lot of little steps. ~Peter A. Cohen

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache, carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit. ~Napoleon Hill

God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. ~Reinhold Niebuhr

Don't give up. There are too many nay-sayers out there who will try to discourage you. Don't listen to them. The only one who can make you give up is yourself. ~Sidney Sheldon

Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can't are both right. ~Henry Ford

A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.
~Elbert Hubbard

Never Give Up! Never, never, never, never give up. Never! ~Winston Churchill

New Day Counseling is a family counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here. We also offer individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

When Someone Says "I Want to Die"

2011-08-18T11:13:00.004-04:00

A young mother was served divorce papers after her husband told her he was leaving her for another woman. A college student could not live up to his parents’ expectations and believed he was a complete failure and disappointment. A teen boy was bullied relentlessly and could not stop the abuse. An elderly man lost his wife after over fifty years of marriage and believed he has nothing left to live for. A young girl believed she was worthless after years of being verbally and sexually abused by her father. A man’s self-esteem was shattered and he felt he lost everything when his wife left him and he lost his job.

The stories of misfortune, pain and heartache abound. No one is immune to life’s difficulties and injustices. As we see in the scenarios above, life can be hard. And as a result, people can become seriously depressed. They battle problems they do not always believe they can overcome. They want to escape. They want to numb the pain. Sometimes you hear them say I want to die. Other times, the words are left unspoken yet clearly seen in their self-destruction. Anger turns on the self with the goal to punish, harm, kill, or destroy.

What does it mean when someone says or implies I want to die? Do they really want their lives to end? Or is it the pain that they want to end? Oftentimes, it is the heaviness of their pain that outweighs their ability and resources to cope in healthy ways. They get stuck and do not know how to move forward with hope. They get overwhelmed and want a way of escape so they say I want to die, thinking that somehow death can offer them some relief. Not everyone who says or thinks I want to die takes steps to end his or her life. Some habitually meditate on the thought as a way of coping, indulging in the pain, or venting their anger.

When we hear the words I want to die, may we also hear what else the person is saying such as: I have lost hope; this pain is overwhelming; I need help; I don’t know what to do; I wish this pain would end; I can’t go on like this anymore; I hate myself; I am depressed.

Do you know that by the end of this day about 88 people will have died by suicide (according to the U.S. Suicide Statistics). A vast majority of them will have suffered from untreated depression or another mental health condition. Depression can be triggered by one or several negative life conditions which can lead to suicide, suicidal thoughts, or attempts. Yet, depression is very treatable. Getting help for depression can avert the negative consequences of suicidal thoughts such as I want to die. These thoughts are always a warning sign and should be taken seriously. If you or someone you know is depressed, get help immediately. Desperate, hopeless thoughts like I want to die can be replaced with: I know life can be tough, but I can and will overcome the challenges I face. I know others feel the way I do and I am not alone. I believe there are people who care and want to help. I choose to believe in myself. God is for me and gives me strength. I want to live. I have a lot to give, to do, and to fulfill. Love will never fail me. I am loved and I love myself, God and others. I will not quit or ever give up. I am born to win. I will to live and not die.

Please take a moment to watch the video and listen to Would You Still Do It. This very moving, passionate suicide song for suicide prevention is a reminder that although you may have felt or said I want to die, there is hope no matter how hopeless it seems; there is healing no matter how much it hurts; there are people who really do care and want to help. *If you or someone you know is depressed, suicidal, or engaged in self-destructive behaviors, please get help today. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. ~William James

We have to keep evolving as people and keep it fresh. Life has its twists and turns, and being comfortable in your skin and loving yourself is the best way to get through life. ~Jesse Garza

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. ~Anonymous

Use wisely your power of choice. Choose to love rather than hate. Choose to laugh rather than cry. Choose to create rather than destroy. Choose to perseverse rather than quit. Choose to praise rather than gossip. Choose to heal rather than wound. Choose to give rather than steal. Choose to act rather than procrastinate. Choose to grow rather than rot. Choose to pray rather than curse. Choose to live rather than die.~Og Mandino

When Someone Says – I Want to Die - Written by Krystal Kuehn

Copyright © 2011 NewDayCounseling.org, StopSuicideSong.com All Rights Reserved.

New Day Counseling is a family counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here. For individual teenage counseling, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

How to Be the Best Lover, Partner and Friend (from Couples Counseling Series)

2011-08-15T14:00:00.000-04:00

When people first get married they usually expect their love and commitment to last for a lifetime. Unfortunately, for at least half of all couples it doesn't. What happens? Soon after marriage, couples discover that the bliss of falling in love quickly fades. They no longer see each other through rose colored glasses. The ease with which they once overlooked each other's faults becomes much more difficult.

With married life, couples begin to encounter new challenges, roles and responsibilities. Conflicts arise and sometimes go unresolved. Tensions build. Commitments weaken. Mutual respect isn't always present. And, unconditional love and acceptance do not always last. So how do you build a strong marriage that can withstand the onslaughts of life's problems and challenges?

No one ever said that marriage is easy. Marriage is hard work. To keep a marriage strong, satisfying and lasting requires a great deal of investment. It takes time and energy to get to know and understand your spouse, to set goals and share dreams, and to have fun and enjoy each other. Couples sometimes lose touch with each other and grow apart when they get lax and don't work on their marriage. Yet when they do work on their relationship, they are much more likely to feel very close and deeply cared for by their partner. Sometimes couples know there are areas they need to work on, but they do not know where to begin or what to do. Couples counseling can be very helpful in reaching their relationship goals and improving their relationship.

Couples who invest in their marriages can build deep friendships. Researchers have found that the level of a couple's friendship is the greatest indicator of success in marriage. Couples who are close and are best friends have more happiness and satisfaction in their lives. Best friends are trustworthy, safe, understanding, loving, accepting and respectful. Best friends are a strong buffer in times of trouble. You can count on them. They are supportive and faithful. Best friends can work through conflicts and pressures that threaten the relationship. Best friends do not give up on each other. They forgive. They share.

You may have been your spouse's partner and lover, but have you been your spouse's best friend? If your marriage is not all that you would like it to be and you want to begin investing more into your marriage to make it better, why not begin with your friendship. You may likely find that it is one of the greatest investments you will ever make.

* Couples who want to improve thier relationships so they can be the best partner, lover and friend to their spouse may benefit from couples counseling where they can gain insight and better understanding of themselves and their partner, develop better communication skills, resolve unhealthy patterns and recurring problematic, gain more respect and trust, and draw closer and more in love with one another.

Your Partner and Lover, but Your Best Friend? (from the Couples Counseling Series)
by Krystal Kuehn
Copyright © 2011 NewDayCounseling.org All Rights Reserved.

Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. ~Carl Reiner

I think that enduring, committed love between a married couple, along with raising children, is the most noble act anyone can aspire to. It is not written about very much. ~ Santiz Nicholas Sparks

Couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking. ~ Chinese Proverb

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin

Love, by itself, is not enough to sustain even the most loving couple -- at least the kind of love Hollywood pumps into our culture is not enough. Marriage requires new skills in communication, conflict resolution and so on. Love cannot protect a marriage from harm. But love combined with effective skills can overcome all. ~Unknown

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.
~ Erich Fromm

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning self-improvement and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, online workshops, video presentations, insights, and inspiration.

New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information about this teen group, click here. For individual teenage counseling, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

When There is Hurt and Distancing in Relationships (from Couples Counseling Series)

2011-08-09T08:51:00.000-04:00

If someone were to throw a punch at you, you would most likely try to protect yourself from getting hit. And if you were to feel the heat of a flaming fire, you would keep yourself far enough away to avoid getting burned. Self-preservation comes naturally as no one wants to experience pain or injury. So threats to our well-being motivate us to distance ourselves from anything with the potential to harm us. It is a necessary and reasonable response in many situations.

Relationships are no different. When we feel hurt or unloved we pull away from people in our lives. We distance ourselves in an effort to protect ourselves from more pain and injury. We may do this in a number of ways. It is often very subtle to start. We might keep ourselves busy and away from the person(s) who hurt us. We might not open ourselves up to sharing what is on our minds and hearts anymore. We might withdraw our warmth and affection. We might stop investing our time in giving and nurturing the relationship.

In all this, what we are actually doing is crying out, “You don’t care about me.” “I don’t feel you love me.” “I just want to know I am important to you.” “If I pull away, will you then hear me and notice me?” But often we do not recognize that our acts of self-preservation can end up pushing others further away. They may begin to feel you do not love or care about them as well. So the emotional distancing pushes you even further apart.

As the hurt deepens, your needs for love, attention, and affection go unmet. When this happens it is common for people to try to meet their own needs. They divert their energies and attention to other things such as work, hobbies, parenting, socializing, shopping, and an entire host of addictions. Pulling away and distancing in relationships causes disconnection. Without connectedness relationships do not work. That may explain why many give up on their relationships. As a result, feelings of hurt, betrayal and failure keep them from believing that restoration is possible.

But there is a healing balm that can heal every wound. It soothes the sting of burns and takes away the pain. It comforts broken hearts and revives hope again. It provides a place of refuge where you feel safe and secure to share and give of yourself all over again. Where it flows in abundance, there miracles happen. It is the greatest gift of all. It is what relationships are meant for. It is the gift of love.

Love, along with honor, commitment, and healthy communication restores brokenness. If you have pulled away from a relationship in an effort to protect yourself from getting hurt, will you allow love to break down the walls you’ve erected? Will you make a decision to not accept failure for your relationships? Will you begin to draw close to others and communicate your feelings and needs to them?

Today can be a new day to build and enrich your relationships as you begin to draw near to others in love, grace and forgiveness.

* Couples who are experiencing hurt and distancing in their relationship and want to restore their love and communication may benefit from couples counseling where they can gain insight and better understanding of themselves and their partner, develop better communication skills, resolve unhealthy patterns and recurring problems, gain more respect and trust, and draw closer and more in love with one another.

When There is Hurt and Distancing in Relationships (from Couples Counseling Series)
Copyright © 2007, 2011 NewDayCounseling.org All Rights Reserved.

Sometimes it is the person closest to us who must travel the furthest distance to be our friend. ~Robert Brault

Sticks and stones are hard on bones
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.
~Phyllis McGinley

To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. ~Doménico Cieri Estrada

There are times when two people need to step apart from one another, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire. ~Robert Brault

When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies. ~John Gray

Sometimes two people need to step apart and make a space between that each might see the other anew,
in a glance across a room or silhouetted against the moon. ~Robert Brault

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child adolescent counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning self-improvement and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, online workshops, video presentations, insights, and inspiration.

New Day Counseling is a family counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information about this teen group, click here. We also provide individual teenage counseling.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Marital Secrets – Why We Keep Them? (from Couples Counseling Series)

2011-08-02T10:18:00.006-04:00

Matt has an online relationship with a woman from another state. It isn’t anything serious, so why worry his wife? Katie has been hiding her spending sprees from her husband that has put them into serious financial debt. She is afraid if he finds out he will never forgive her. Jason never told his wife that he got fired from his job, but rather, that he got laid off. He did not want her to lose faith and respect for him.

From the above scenarios, we can clearly see that couples keep secrets from one another and they are not always honest. Let’s look at some reasons why people keep marital secrets:

• They dread their spouse’s reaction which may evoke anger, rejection, blame or punishment.

• They fear that it will just cause more unnecessary problems.

• They are concerned that the secret will hurt or worry the spouse.

• The secret may involve another person whom they don’t want to bring up.

• They do not want to disclose details or issues from their past.

• The secret is something they are ashamed of.

• The secret may involve something illegal.

In couples counseling we often find that the most common secrets involve affairs, misuse of money, criminal problems, pornography, or sex issues. Although couples want to be honest with each other, there are proper boundaries between an individual’s privacy and keeping potentially relationship damaging secrets. So a key question is, “Would you want or need to know this secret if it were held by your partner?”

The marriage can be negatively affected if some secrets are not told. It can be difficult to keep secrets in a marriage and be honest and true at the same time. The big secrets can eventually lead to big marital problems.

The goal is to preserve a healthy relationship built on trust, honesty and open communication. And remember, marital secrets are not always the core problem. Marital secrets are oftentimes the symptom to a bigger problem. Why does the secret-keeping spouse feel a need to keep the secret? What is he/she afraid of? What does he/she really have to hide?

Couples counseling can help couples uncover reasons for marital secrets, help couples work through underlying issues, find balance between sharing secrets and a place for individual privacy, and strengthen marriages to face issues and overcome problems.

A quarter of all married men surveyed admitted to having kept "an important secret" from their spouse, such as debts, gambling, hidden financial assets, alcohol or drug abuse, or hidden sexual practices. An even greater percentage of women--31%--said they had discovered that their spouse kept an important secret from them. (Parade Poll Special Report)

Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away. (from the movie Evita)

Concealing any activity from the other may create unnecessary suspicion and mistrust between husband and wife and the situation may go beyond repairs one day. Therefore it is in the best interest of both to share what ever they have so that it strengthens the mutual-bond and love. ~Atharva Veda
The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart. ~Saint Jerome

If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find. ~John Collins

But behavior in the human being is sometimes a defense, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication. ~Abraham Maslow

To know that one has a secret is to know half the secret itself. ~Henry Ward Beecher

It is wise to disclose what cannot be concealed. ~Friedrich von Schiller

Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough. Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets, but I have found that when I silently commune with people they give up their secrets also - if you love them enough. ~George Washington Carver

What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does. ~unknown

We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and knows. ~Robert Frost

Marital Secrets – Why We Keep Them? (from the Couples Counseling Series) by Krystal Kuehn
Copyright © 2011 NewDayCounseling.org All Rights Reserved.

New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

What Are You Thinking About Right Now?

2011-07-26T13:10:00.000-04:00

A man is what he thinks about all day long. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

We might believe our thoughts just happen, and we don’t consider the fact that we can choose to stop certain thoughts and refocus. We can choose what we accept and meditate on, and we can choose what we resist and reject. Our thoughts shape the attitudes that direct our lives. We make decisions based on our attitudes and beliefs.

Thoughts lead to other related thoughts. When they are hopeful and positive, we develop a good attitude. Likewise, a bad attitude results when a habit of negative thoughts dominate our thinking. For example, suppose you feel hurt that your friend didn’t come to your birthday party. You might begin to think that it is because it isn't important to her. That thought may lead you to wonder if she really likes you. Maybe you did something to offend her. Maybe there is something wrong with you. You feel angry and rejected. You dwell on the offense and have a bad attitude. If you hold on to it, feelings of rejection may lead to bitterness toward your friend. It may even lead to a desire for retaliation. It is common to reject others when we feel rejected.

Hurt and angry feelings affect our choices and attitudes. We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we direct our thoughts. Suppose you were to stop the negative cycle after feeling hurt by your friend. There could be many good reasons why she wasn't able to join you. Maybe it had nothing to do with you. You can choose to not take it personal if you know she wouldn't intentionally want to hurt you. You can choose to not dwell on the offense and negative feelings. You can refocus. If it really bothers you, talk to her about it. In doing so, you just may find out that you had the wrong idea all along. This happened to a woman I know. She never received the invitation sent by her friend. It was somehow lost in the mail. Her friend assumed she got the invitation and chose not to come. It was months until she discovered why her friend had a bad attitude and pulled away from her.

Our thinking patterns become habits and attitudes. Optimism and pessimism are the result of the kinds of thoughts we choose to dominate our thought life and perspective. If we were to live by these words of wisdom, we would spare ourselves of the negativity that keeps us from fulfilling our potential and purpose: Fill your mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.*

We can choose to occupy our minds with the best in people or situations, rather than the worst. We can choose to see the beauty and splendor of every rose rather than its thorns and ugliness. We can notice and praise what is right and good rather than dwell on mistakes or problems. We can hold on to hope rather than submit to despair. We can appreciate and embrace what we have and all that is before us rather than live in regret of the past. We can choose to live today as best as we can because that is all we have right now.

Change your thoughts, and you change your world. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples don't count on harvesting golden delicious. ~unknown

Build this day on a foundation of pleasant thoughts. Never fret at any imperfections that you fear may impede your progress. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you are a creature of God and have the power to achieve any dream by lifting up your thoughts. You can fly when you decide that you can. Never consider yourself defeated again. Let the vision in your heart be in your life's blueprint. Smile! ~Og Mandino

Nothing has any power over me other than that which I give it through my conscious thoughts. ~Anthony Robbins

Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Our life is what our thoughts make it. A man will find that as he alters his thoughts toward things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him. ~ James Allen

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes.

* Philippians 4:8

Copyright © 2008, 2010 NewDayCounseling.org All Rights Reserved.

New Day Counseling is a family counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management - Part 3

2011-07-19T08:13:00.000-04:00

Where there is patience and humility, there is neither anger nor vexation. ~St. Francis of Assisi

All sorts of things can trigger irritability in people, from minor traffic jams to major headaches. Everyone gets upset or annoyed sometimes. We all have lost our temper and reacted without thinking. We have succumbed to anger that drives us to say and do things we normally would not. And it is when we lose control over our thoughts and feelings, that our irritability and anger can do some major damage to our love walk.

For the most part, irritability is likely to occur when we feel under pressure. Therefore, one of the best tests for measuring our irritability is to observe how we behave when having to manage stressful circumstances or people. If we can remain graceful toward others when under pressure, then we are probably exercising self-control. Our temper is well-managed and good. We are not allowing agitation to anger us or disrupt our relationships. If, on the other hand, pressure and stress bring out the worst in us, then we probably need to work on our self-control and temper.

When irritable, we are very likely to become easily angered at others, sometimes at the slightest provocation. We might even become hostile and behave in ways we will later regret. Gaining control over our thoughts, feelings and actions when irritated and angry is the best way to keep from acting out in unloving ways.

Self-control communicates love. It can be seen whenever we:

* Take responsibility for our actions

* Do not accuse or blame others for the way we feel

* Treat others graciously although they irritate us

* Keep from saying something hurtful and unnecessary

* Do not take our anger out on those around us

* Think things through before we react

* Allow ourselves a time-out to gather ourselves together

* Do not expect more from others than we should

The disposition of love is self-control and a good temper. Having self-control and a good temper is easier said than done, especially for those individuals who are more prone to irritability for various reasons. Even so, we can all learn to gain greater control over our tempers and how we react under pressure. Irritations will never cease, nor does our love need to when they come.

Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

We boil at different degrees. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust. ~St. Francis De Sales
An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes. ~Cato

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. ~Arnold H. Glasgow

The greatest remedy for anger is delay. ~Seneca

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. ~Chinese Proverb

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. ~Proverbs 15:1
C2007 Krystal Kuehn, NewDayCounseling.org
Anger Management and Self-Control
Taken from The 10 Keys to Successful and Loving Relationships by Krystal Kuehn.

New Day Counseling is a family counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management - Part 2

2011-07-12T15:59:00.001-04:00

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions. ~David Borentein

Of all the emotions we experience in our lives, anger seems to be one we all experience frequently in one way or another. When we think of an angry person we might picture someone getting loud or aggressive; or someone who is critical and mean. But anger is also expressed in other ways as in a person who is depressed and turns their anger inward. Or in a person who is afraid or frustrated or lonely.

Most often when we experience feelings of anger they alert us to an underlying emotion(s). That is, there is something behind our anger. For example, we might feel angry because we have been hurt by what someone said to us. So the underlying emotion here is hurt. Once we recognize this and deal with the hurt we will be able to release our anger. We might also feel angry because we feel frustrated that things did not go as planned. Realizing why we are angry and then dealing with the frustration will help us release the anger.

Sometimes when people are angry they don't realize that they are also experiencing other feelings as well. Identifying what other feelings besides anger they are experiencing is an important first step to learning what is really behind their anger. Then those feelings can be faced. Sometimes it is so much easier to feel angry than it is to face other feelings like shame or guilt or rejection. Those feelings can be unpleasant and uncomfortable and that is why so many people run from their feelings or try to bury them. Drug and alcohol abuse, gambling, promiscuity, workaholism, gossip, etc., are all evidence of this.

So how can we face what is behind our anger and release it? It all depends. We might need to accept certain people or things in our lives. We might need to forgive someone. We might need to work on our self-esteem. We might need to make changes and take action. We might need to learn how to manage our emotions. Acceptance, forgiveness, and taking responsibility will help us to let go of anger that weighs down our hearts. Anger that is unresolved and not motivated to positive action keeps us from having peace and a calm, untroubled mind.

Anger is not all bad. It is a God-given emotion that helps us to experience life in all its fullness. It is what we do with our anger that matters. We can learn to manage and control our anger before it becomes destructive. If necessary, we can get professional help to deal with it. Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life. We do not have to feel ashamed or guilty for feeling the way we do. Each one of us experiences anger from time to time. Anger has no control over us when we choose to release it. We can manage our anger, let go of toxic emotions, and experience freedom.

Nothing is worth losing your inner peace. Take action as circumstances require, but never surrender your inner peace. Stop. Breathe deeply. Close your eyes and breathe deeply again. Then, and only then, take action – from a peaceful heart. ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves. ~unknown

Be at peace with yourself first and then you will be able to bring peace to others. ~Thomas A. Kempis

C2007 Krystal Kuehn, NewDayCounseling.org
Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management Part 2
Releasing Anger, Finding Freedom

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management

2011-07-06T12:20:00.000-04:00

When you strike out in anger, you might miss the other person, but you will always hit yourself. ~Jim Gallery

Striking out with angry words is the cause of so many relationship problems. Words are powerful. They can encourage, strengthen, and change destinies. They can also destroy potential and robs us of hope and peace. Most major fires begin with just a small flame. Before long the fire spreads and becomes more and more difficult to contain. It damages or completely destroys everything in its path. Do we realize how quickly unmanaged anger can do significant damage? And as the quote above humorously expresses, anger always hurts the angry person. Sometimes even more so than those to whom it is directed. That is because we cannot have both peace and bitterness in our hearts. An angry person loses his or her peace and joy. Anger obstructs the expression of love, and without love there is no true happiness.

We all get angry. It is inevitable. But, not all anger is bad. We have heard stories of people who have made major contributions to society, fought against injustices, and made positive life changes as they were motivated by righteous anger. Problematic anger, on the other hand, is usually explosive, hidden, or denied. If not faced and dealt with, anger hinders our ability to have healthy and loving relationships.

So how do we deal with anger? We can begin by recognizing the underlying emotions that lead up to our negative reactions such as feelings of hurt, frustration, shame, rejection, fear, jealousy. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself What emotion is behind my anger? You may begin to see a pattern. For example, a woman gets angry every time her boyfriend is late for their meeting. She realizes that his tardiness makes her feel rejected and this leads to her angry outbursts. What is the underlying problem that needs to be addressed? Rejection. How about the boyfriend who expresses his anger by shutting down when his girlfriend tries to engage him in conversation? As he identifies the pattern, he realizes that he feels jealous every time she talks to other guys. He tries to hide his anger and does not express his feelings to her directly, so he pulls away instead.

Anger does not have to bring ruin to our lives and relationships. There are healthy and effective ways to manage it. I have briefly discussed the underlying emotions of anger and the importance of dealing with the causes. If you need more help in this area, I highly recommend participating in an anger management class or individual anger counseling. It can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping you with many tools for a better life.

Above all else, may peace rule in our hearts, Krystal

Copyright © 2009 NewDayCounseling.org, Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

How to Break Bad Habits

2011-06-15T16:40:00.001-04:00

Alcohol, drugs, smoking, and food are what we think of when we hear the word addiction. But, they are not the only things we get addicted to. Oftentimes, other unhealthy habits lead to these more common addictions. That is what I have addressed below:

Alcohol and drug use can lead to problems with addiction if unhealthy or excessive drinking patterns develop. What might start out as social drinking or casual use can soon become a habit. For example, if you drink every time you get together with friends at the bowling alley, it will soon become a habit. That does not necessarily mean it will lead to drinking problems, but I want to address how patterns and habits can develop quickly and easily. This led me to think about how this applies to relationship problems as well as depression, anxiety, and other problems.

Relationship interactions often fall into repeated patterns of behavior. Sometimes it is easy to predict how someone is going to react in any given situation based on previous behavior. And there might not be a good reason to think it will be any different. The behavior has become a habit or dysfunctional pattern. For example, whenever Andy asks for feedback from Kim and she provides some constructive criticism, he gets defensive and accuses her of trying to put him down. Jen does not like to be ignored when she asks Dave to pick up his clothes off the floor, so she gets irritable and short-tempered. Dave asks her to stop nagging him. They end up bickering back and forth. The patterns continue. The tension grows. No one does anything any different so things do not get better until someone decides to do something to break the cycle.

If you have ever struggled with an addiction, you know first hand how difficult it is to break the control it can have on every aspect of your life. And you would most likely want to be free of the addiction. Maybe you do not have problems with drinking, drugs, or smoking. It is highly probable that you know someone who does struggle with these problems. However, I would ask you:

How about negative thinking patterns, disrespect, impatience, angry outbursts, unkindness, criticism, gossip, taking offense, cussing, bitterness, negative self-labeling, pessimism, and the list goes on? Do these things get out of control? Do they become addictive and difficult to break free from? I believe they are, and as a result they contribute to all sorts of emotional, relational, and social problems.

I encourage you to think about any patterns or habits in your life that cause you personal or relational problems. They can be just as serious and destructive as the more commonly known addiction problems. If you want to break some bad habits, I encourage you to take do something about it now. You can make choices to change your lifestyle for the better today! Remember, bad habits can be replaced with good habits that can improve every area of your life. It just takes some determination, planning and practice. You can do it! Krystal

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. ~Aristotle

A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit. ~Desiderius Erasmus

First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you. ~
Rob Gilbert

Good habits result from resisting temptation. ~Indian Proverb

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. ~Anonymous

Copyright © 2007 NewDayCounseling.org, written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.

For help and tools on how to replace old habits with new ones, call us today for individual counseling, family counseling and/or couples counseling.

To improve you relationships and communication patterns, you might be interested in The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships. In it you will find helpful activities and information to communicate love in a highly effective way that will significantly improve your relationships.

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

A Vacation Every Couple Needs & 4 Warning Signs of Couple Trouble

2011-05-18T14:16:00.000-04:00

He who returns from a journey is not the same as he who left. ~Chinese Proverb

When was the last time you took a vacation? A family vacation is one thing, but I am talking about a couples vacation—just you and your spouse. Are you about due yet? If you want to do more than just get away, read on. Vacations can help to refresh and revive relationships. It is like breathing fresh air into them, reenergizing them with greater intimacy and deeper love.

By definition, vacation is time devoted to rest and relaxation as from work or study. So if you are wondering if it is something you can afford, think of it this way. It is something you cannot afford to go without. Without devoted time for rest and relaxation, we get burned out on our jobs, and lose our effectiveness and interest. How about our marriages? They suffer also. Couples grow apart, experience less satisfaction, and are more irritable with each other.

So how can couples keep their relationships healthy and strong? By devoting quality time to them, that is, time away from all that keeps them busy and distracted. Studies show that couples who schedule periodic dates and spend more time together are more satisfied with their marriages than those who don’t. How often do you devote time to be alone together? Whether it’s a date or vacation, spending time together is an investment with great returns.

With no interference from work or home, periodic getaways with our spouses allow us to focus on each other, share memorable life experiences together, and simply have fun. Did you ever experience something enjoyable and wish your partner had been there to share it with you? Well, getaways provide opportunities to create cherished and lifelong memories. Vacations with your partner are about being together in body, soul, and spirit. They are times that bring great fulfillment and wholeness to the relationship. And they are times couples need for their relationships to thrive.

Before you go on vacation you don't want to have any grudges, resentment, or unforgiveness toward one another. It is healthy to release any negative baggage and work through unresolved issues before you go. Otherwise, there is a very good chance they will come up directly or indirectly in a bad attitude, sarcasm, or distancing. The focus ought to be on the strengths of the relationship. You can both make a commitment to overlook minor annoyances and notice the good not the bad. If you are unable to so, then I recommend counseling before you go on a vacation and maybe start with dating first.

Getaways don’t have to be expensive. The real goal is to enjoy being together, to value that time, and to grow and appreciate the beauty of life and gift of love. When planning your special times together, be sure to consider fun things you both like to do, something new you can experience, and romantic and playful ways to enjoy one another. Turn off the cell phones, forget about work, leave your cares behind, and devote quality time to the love of your life. Enjoy each other!

4 Warning Signs of a Neglected Marriage:

1. Priorities out of order. If you devote most of your extra time and attention to anything above God and your spouse, your relationships will suffer. We see this with workaholics. Whether their work is their passion or an escape, it becomes their top priority at all costs. Their spouses and children feel the affects and it damages the most precious gift they are blessed with: family. Anything that comes first in a person’s life can get out of balance and become an idol. It can be an addiction such as pornography or drugs. It can be can an interest or hobby such as sports or entertainment. If a relationship is a top priority, more quality time and attention will be devoted to it. What are your top 5 priorities? Do your actions and devotions support your answer? Where does your spouse place on your list? Would he or she agree?

2. Divided attention. Too often we can be in someone’s company and find that they aren’t fully present. Physically they are, but their thoughts and occupations are elsewhere. They are answering text messages and cell calls. They are distracted by competing cries for their attention. Focus is lost and shifted to other things, and it leaves others feeling less important, alone, or in the way. Divided attention doesn’t have to become an ongoing problem with couples. Appropriate limits and boundaries can be set. Have you been guilty of allowing distractions to draw you away from your partner? If they have been excessive, what can you do limit them? Ask your partner how he or she feels about it and what would be an acceptable solution.

3. Missing Quality Time. When couples don’t spend enough quality time together, they begin to get bored in the relationship. A lack of fun and sharing can lead them to think there is something wrong with their marriage. This leads to confusion about their feelings. Some wonder if they fell out of love, when in fact they haven’t been investing time with each other and fanning the flame to keep their passion and love for each other fully alive. Investing in a relationship takes time and work. Relationships that are neglected grow weak and routine. How satisfied are you with your marriage? How much quality time do you spend with your partner? What enjoyable things do you together for excitement?

4. Over-Stressed. With many responsibilities at work, home, and school in this face-paced society, it is no wonder that many are stressed. Without enough time for rest and relaxation, stress can lead to burnout and irritability as well as relationship and health problems. Reducing stress not only improves ones outlook and energy, it improves relationships. A calm and peaceful state of being brings out the best in us. We are more patient, kind, and content. Is stress weighing on your marriage? What, if anything, are you doing to manage stress?

So, how can getaways help in the 4 key areas we addressed above? First, we decide that time devoted to spend with our spouse is a top priority. Second, we leave all distracting devices and attention seekers behind. Third, we decide to enjoy and appreciate each other’s company by sharing and doing things we enjoy together. Fourth, we release stress and allow peace to fill us and restore us.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin

Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. ~John Gottman

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham

Copyright © 2009 NewDayCounseling.org, written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Are You Master or Victim of Your Attitude?

2011-05-10T15:02:00.000-04:00

We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell

What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

We might believe our thoughts just happen, and we don’t consider the fact that we can choose to stop certain thoughts and refocus. We can choose what we accept and meditate on, and we can choose what we resist and reject. Our thoughts shape the attitudes that direct our lives. We make decisions based on our attitudes and beliefs.

Thoughts lead to other related thoughts. When they are hopeful and positive, we develop a good attitude. Likewise, a bad attitude results when a habit of negative thoughts dominate our thinking. For example, suppose you feel hurt that your friend didn’t come to your birthday party. You might begin to think that it is because it isn't important to her. That thought may lead you to wonder if she really likes you. Maybe you did something to offend her. Maybe there is something wrong with you. You feel angry and rejected. You dwell on the offense and have a bad attitude. If you hold on to it, feelings of rejection may lead to bitterness toward your friend. It may even lead to a desire for retaliation. It is common to reject others when we feel rejected.

Hurt and angry feelings affect our choices and attitudes. We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we direct our thoughts. Suppose you were to stop the negative cycle after feeling hurt by your friend. There could be many good reasons why she wasn't able to join you. Maybe it had nothing to do with you. You can choose to not take it personal if you know she wouldn't intentionally want to hurt you. You can choose to not dwell on the offense and negative feelings. You can refocus. If it really bothers you, talk to her about it. In doing so, you just may find out that you had the wrong idea all along. This happened to a woman I know. She never received the invitation sent by her friend. It was somehow lost in the mail. Her friend assumed she got the invitation and chose not to come. It was months until she discovered why her friend had a bad attitude and pulled away from her.

Our thinking patterns become habits and attitudes. Optimism and pessimism are the result of the kinds of thoughts we choose to dominate our thought life and perspective. If we were to live by these words of wisdom, we would spare ourselves of the negativity that keeps us from fulfilling our potential and purpose: Fill your mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8).

We can choose to occupy our minds with the best in people or situations, rather than the worst. We can choose to see the beauty and splendor of every rose rather than its thorns and ugliness. We can notice and praise what is right and good rather than dwell on mistakes or problems. We can hold on to hope rather than submit to despair. We can appreciate and embrace what we have and all that is before us rather than live in regret of the past. We can choose to live today as best as we can because that is all we have right now.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. ~~ William James

It’s your choice: you can either count your blessings or recount your disappointments. ~Jim Gallery

We shouldn’t deny the pain of what happens in our lives. But, we should refuse to focus only on the valleys. ~Charles Swindoll

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. ~Max Lucado

Copyright © 2008, 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling MI. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Family Counseling Services, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.

New Day Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)

Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

How to Make Friends a Healthy Part of Your Couples Relationship

2011-05-04T11:45:00.002-04:00

All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Before you got into a couples relationship, you had your own friends to hang out with and have fun. You never had to worry about a partner who did not like your friends or did not want to hang out with them. You never had to concern yourself with problems that could arise if you simply wanted to spend some time with your friends rather than your partner. But once you left the singles scene and became a couple, some things regarding friendships began to change.

Following are some common challenges that couples face regarding friendships.

(1) Finding couples friends that both you and your partner enjoy spending time with.

One of you might like spending time with another couple while the other does not. So what do you do? There are a couple of factors to consider when looking for other couples to hang out with:

How time is spent together

When couples share common interests, they are more likely to enjoy the company of other couples with the same interests. For example, if both couples like to do certain things like go to sporting events, (or concerts, comedy club, the theatre, bowling, golfing, or playing cards, watching movies, or just hanging out and talking), they will all enjoy the activity and are more likely to actively engage and work together. We have all participated in things we really enjoy and find that even if we have an issue with someone or something, we can still enjoy ourselves. Personally, I experienced this when working in an orchestra. Once we got into playing the music, our differences subsided for the time being and we all had a great time. On the other hand, if one or more individuals really lack interest in the activities, there is a good chance they will not enjoy spending time together. It might be the activity more than the couple that they do not appreciate and enjoy. Finding things both couples like to do can make a big difference.

Personalities, Compatibility, and Connections

Another important factor that affects enjoying time spent with couple friends is the connection they all have. Do they genuinely like and respect one another? Are they comfortable and feel safe to open up? We connect with others when we find commonalities on which we can bond, such as hobbies, political or religious views, interests, problems, or life experiences. There are so many different levels on which we can connect. Once we do, real friendships can develop and we begin to enjoy time spent together in laughter, sharing, learning, and appreciating life together. Oftentimes, the most rewarding couple friendships develop between couples involved in common goals and interests. That is why it is important that each couple develop goals together first, then they can share them with other couples.

(2) Avoiding conflicts when one of you does not want to hang out with the other’s friends

Couple relationships require a great deal of sharing, giving, and compromise if they are going to be happy and healthy. Doing something the other person wants to do when we do not want to can be handled in several ways. First, you have the choice to do it anyway. That can be a sacrifice on your part, but you do it for your partner. Secondly, you can decide to work out a compromise. You need to discuss this and both feel good and right about it. If one partner feels taken advantage of, it can turn into resentment and bitterness that will eventually come out and affect the relationship. So, you may agree to hang out with his friends today and he will go shopping with you all day tomorrow. Do whatever works as long as you both have a good attitude. It is about give and take. The better we get at it, as it applies to our relationships, the better we can avoid conflicts and find lasting satisfaction in our relationships.

(3) Allowing each other time apart and freedom to choose how and with whom it is spent

Couples ought to have an agreed upon together or "we time" and agreed upon time apart or "me time." Me time should be used any way the person chooses, whether alone or with friends. If one partner does not have their own friends, they can use this time to visit their relatives or simply do something on their own. Whatever they choose to do, the other person’s time apart ought to be respected. It is a good idea to discuss and agree that time alone and time apart from each other will be honored and respected without resentment. The important thing is that couples are satisfied with their time together. A satisfying relationship built on trust creates security. Couples ought to be secure enough in their relationship to let their partners go when separate time is needed. Relationships require a certain amount of freedom. There is an old adage that says, "When you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it does not, it never was." It is not in the best interest of a relationship to make the partner with friends feel guilty or to impose upon his or her "me time." If the issue has to do with the type of friends he or she is spending time with, this needs to be addressed. If it is his own insecurities or boredom, he ought to develop some new interests apart from the relationship or talk to a counselor who can help him work through some possible insecurities, fears, or boundary issues. Couples can also benefit from couples counseling as they establish healthy boundaries and build new friendships.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elizabeth Foley

The better part of one's life consists of his friendships. ~Abraham Lincoln

A cheerful friend is like a sunny day spreading brightness all around. ~John Lubcock

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. NewDayCounseling.org

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Making Peace with Your Past

2011-04-26T13:57:00.000-04:00

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself he becomes wise. ~Alden Nowlan

Are regrets, bad memories, or losses keeping you from enjoying each new day? Is the past keeping you from moving into the future with hope and anticipation?

I recently heard a man say that it was not until he made peace with his past that he truly began to live. It changed his life so drastically that everyone noticed there was something different about him. It was not until 20 years after losing his father that he began to grieve the loss for the first time. He finally allowed himself to face his past with all the anger and pain. There was so much that he missed out on. There were lost opportunities and things that would never be, so many regrets, poor choices, and bad experiences that would affect the rest of his life.

This man went through a process of acceptance and forgiveness. He felt the pain. He felt the anger. He mourned what was and could have been. And then, he released it. He made peace with his past, and he was ready to move on with his life. Suddenly, new opportunities before him became exciting. He began to fully appreciate what he had, the people in his life, and what he had become. He began to hope for a better and brighter future. He was ready to give more of himself to others. And he began to enjoy his life more and more.

For the first time since he could remember, he felt free—free of burdens from the past, free of unresolved pain, free of bitterness and self-pity. He was free indeed! He was free to enjoy his life, his family, and all that he had like never before. The past would no longer steal his joy and hope. It could not hold him back, and it was not going to keep him down any longer.

Is your past keeping you from fully enjoying your life? Sometimes we do not stop and think about it. Just like the man described above, we might have regrets, unresolved pain, sorrow, anger, or unforgiveness. These things keep us bound to the past. The past does not have to negatively influence our future. We can release it as we face it, deal with the emotions, come to accept what was and now is, and forgive our past.

Making peace with our past will lead us to experience healing, wholeness, and freedom to live our life with true joy. Every day is a new day to appreciate and enjoy. We do not have to allow our past to keep us from being truly happy today. Choose to be free and take the necessary steps to be free now. (We might want to have a professional counselor help us go through this process.)

Following are questions to reflect on and steps to take in making peace with our past:

1. Face your past. What are your regrets? What caused or still causes you pain? What are your losses? Have you grieved them?

2. Face your feelings. Does your past make you angry, sad, feel bad about yourself, bitter, damaged, cheated?

3. Forgive your past. Do you have any bitterness, hatred, or unforgiveness towards anyone (including yourself)? Why are you holding on to it? What would it take for you to release it and free yourself from its control in your life?

4. Accept your past. When we cannot change something, the healthiest thing we can do is accept it. Can you accept your past? What have you learned from it? How can it change you for the better?

5. Make peace with your past and be free. When your past no longer controls your life—your peace, your hope, attitude, relationships, ability to love others, give and share of yourself, dream, believe, and trust once again, then you are free!

It is my hope that this has helped you in making peace with your past, and in looking forward to better days ahead!

Krystal

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Copyright © 2007 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved
Making Peace with Your Past written by Krystal Kuehn,

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a family and couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.

New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

4 Key Steps to Discussing Schoolwork & Building True Winners

2011-04-13T15:00:00.000-04:00

You're on your way home from work. You're anxious for some encouraging talk and a little relaxation after a hard day. You need all the support you can get to recharge your batteries and feel strong enough to go back tomorrow and face another working day.

You are greeted with, "Hi, Honey. How was it today? Where are your papers? I want to see how you did all day." "It was OK," you reply. "I really don't want to talk about it. I'm really beat." "Well, no wonder you don't want to talk about it. Look at these papers. You can do a lot better than this. Where was your mind today? You sit down right now and we'll go over these proposals you wrote and get the spelling straightened out. And look at these paragraphs. You'll never get promoted at this rate. I don't understand this. You have so much more potential than this."

How long would it be before you find a more comfortable place to go after work? "Who needs this?" you'll say."I can find someone who can show me a little more appreciation for my hard work!"

Many school–age children face this same situation daily. They are greeted after school with, "What did you learn today?" and "Where is your homework? You get on it right now!"

Children are also requested to bring home their papers so that the mistakes can be corrected. Even though this is done with love and caring, it trains them to focus on their weaknesses.

The problem faced by students is that they can't choose to go somewhere else after school. They can't avoid facing a replay of their daily failures. They must return home and listen to whatever their parents have to say. It is very difficult for a child to say,"Mother! Do you realize you are training me to keep my school progress a secret from you?" Soon they quit bringing home papers. They make excuses and blame it on their teachers. "She never gives me my papers to bring home."

The next step is for the parent to go to school demanding that the teacher develop some sort of foolproof reporting method. Teachers are actually faced with writing daily and weekly reports for parents. This never provides a long-term solution because it addresses the wrong problem. It also robs teachers of valuable teaching and preparation time.

The real problem is that the child has learned that it is unsafe to discuss school with his or her parents. Rather than developing a reporting plan, it is much wiser to work on the real problem–helping children and parents learn to talk to each other in safe and supportive ways. This solution works, and it lasts a lifetime.

You can teach your child to discuss school with you. While you are doing this, you can also lay the foundation blocks that will build a true winner out of your youngster.

STEP ONE: Sit down with your children two to three times per week. Have them point out the best things they did on their papers.

STEP TWO: Make sure your child describes to you the reasons for his or her success. As they put these into words, the reasons for the success will be imprinted on their brain, never to be erased. They will start to believe they are in control of their success.

STEP THREE: Work with your children on their mistakes only when they ask for your help. Let the school work on deficiencies. Teachers have training to help with the deficiencies in effective ways.

STEP FOUR: Be patient. This is a real change in operation. It will take the child a period of time to believe that this is not just a new phase his parents are going through. Look for the real benefits to show up in several months or maybe during the next few years, depending upon the child's past history.

Winners always think about how they are going to succeed. Losers always think about their possible failures.

©1998 Jim Fay

Schoolwork written by Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.

New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children counseling, teenage counseling, divorce counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Back to Be Your Best Home

If Kids Can Hear Promises, They Can Hear Requests

2011-03-22T08:26:00.000-04:00

You can train your child to hear you the first time you say something. Or, you can train them to ignore you. Raising a child who listens to adults is a source of joy. Raising one who doesn't is a constant source of frustration and torment.

Our actions either train kids to listen or not to listen. Consider this situation I witnessed in an airport recently. Joshua, a five-year-old, was running out into the concourse

"Joshua. You stop that running!" called his mother. She did not follow through, so Joshua continued dashing in and out of a crowed of irritated travelers.

"Joshua. You get over here!" Once more, she barked an order, but did nothing to enforce it.

"Joshua! Get off of that!" Another order was shouted by mom and ignored by Joshua.

Suddenly, Joshua was right at my feet staring up at me.

Mother ordered again, "Joshua. You get away from that man. You come over here. Quit bothering people."

I looked down at Joshua and asked, "Joshua, what's your mom going to do if you don't do what she says?"

He knew the answer immediately, "Nothing."

Of course he was right. His mother had trained him to know that she would bark orders, but never enforce them. Why should he listen if he could do as he pleased - without adult interference - by not listening?

In fact, Joshua never had to walk back to his mother in the airport. She came over to him, held his hand, and apologized to me with, "I'm so sorry. You know how five-year-olds are. They won't listen to a thing you say."

It took a lot to keep me from saying, "I've known a lot of five-year-olds who listen to their parents. But their parents mean what they say."

Training kids to listen is not brain surgery. It's not complicated. Joshua's mom could retrain him to listen by first retraining herself to do the following:

1.Make a commitment she will never repeat herself.

Kids unconsciously learn how many times each parent will repeat a request before taking action. She can give Joshua the gift of knowing she will only say something once.

2.Be prepared to act.

She needs to be dedicated to making her child's life somewhat uncomfortable each time he fails to listen the first time she says something. This means as soon as he disobeys she goes to him, takes him back to his seat, and makes him stay with her saying, "How sad not to listen. Now you can stay with me."

3.She should never accept, "But I didn't hear you," as an excuse.

When confronted with this excuse, she should respond with, "How sad not to be listening. Maybe your ears will get better." It is important she says this without sarcasm and follows through with the consequences of not listening.

4.Be prepared for Joshua to have a fit about not getting his way.

Even though this will be uncomfortable, other adults around her will secretly applaud her courage and willingness to put forth the efforts to raise a well-behaved child.

5.Get ready to enjoy a more responsible and happier child.

I have worked with kids and families for 47 years. During that time I have never met a child who failed to hear a parent's promise. They always hear promises the first time. I've also learned their ears work the same way for requests when parents learn and follow the four steps I've outlined.

Training and expecting kids to listen is one of a parent's greatest gifts. It's the Love and Logic way.

©2001 Jim Fay
If Kids Can Hear Promises, They Can Hear Requests - Getting your child to listen to you is easier than it sounds written by Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.

New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children counseling, teen counseling, divorce counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Back to Be Your Best Home

Anticipating a New Day, a Better Day

2011-03-15T13:43:00.000-04:00

Finish each day and be done with it.

You have done what you could.

Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can.

Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely...

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some days are just difficult. We run into problems that are not easily resolved or managed. We make mistakes and wish we could start over. We do our best and it does not seem to help very much.

What else can we do? If there is one thing we can control it is our attitude and perspective. We can choose to stay hopeful, do what we can to make things better, and accept what is out of our control.

Even at the end of a difficult day, it seems we can always find plenty to be thankful for. And we can choose to let go of the day's frustrations, forgive ourselves and others, and anticipate a new and better day tomorrow.

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classess or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Back to Be Your Best Home

Parent's Guide for Helping Children Succeed in School

2011-03-10T18:31:00.000-05:00

1.Love and Logic parents remember that parents can't teach for teachers and teachers can't parent for parents. Remember that teachers and parents can't learn for kids no matter how much we love them.

2.Show the same amount of love for your children regardless of their success in school.

◦Show sadness rather than anger when they have trouble at school.

3.Expect your children to do their share of the chores at home.

4.Spend some time each day talking with excitement about your work and your day. They will want to imitate you and will soon begin to talk about school and their day.

5.Take turns reading to each other every day.

6.Have your children teach you something they have learned at school. Do this once per week.

7.Encourage your children to do things that "charge their batteries." Encourage them to try many different activities as a way of discovering interests and talents.

Remind them that they will build their careers around their talents, not around their weaknesses.

8.Provide a time and place for homework. Expect that they will study. Allow them to study either by writing the assignments or thinking hard about them for a reasonable amount of time.

◦If they decide to study by thinking instead of writing or reading, have them think of a plan for explaining it to the teacher.

◦Support the teacher to handle this:

1.Don't fight with children over the homework.

2.Don't fight with the teachers over the grade or consequence.

3.Tell your children that you will love them regardless of their grades or the number of years it takes to complete each grade.

9.Don't pay your children for good grades and don't punish for bad grades. Be excited about the good grades and sad for the children about their bad grades.

10.Have your children bring home papers.

◦Look at the right answers instead of the wrong ones.

◦Don't correct the wrong answers—leave this for the teacher.

◦Have your children explain the reasons for the answers being right. If they don't know, give them three choices:

1.You cheated?

2.You tried hard?

3.You are getting smarter in that subject?

11.Expect this Love and Logic program to take about one year before you see good results. Remember that children who have a hard time at school need to get away from it for a while each day. More homework and problems at home about school won't help.

◦Don't complain to teachers that they should give this child more homework.

◦Use this program instead and you will see amazing results in one year.

◦Fight with your children and their teachers about homework and the problem will still be there in years to come.

12. Love and Logic parents remember that highly successful people put most of their efforts into their talents and maintain minimal standards on everything else.

©1991 Jim Fay
The One Year Plan: Parent's Guide for Helping Children Succeed in School written by Jim Fay.

Love and Logic Institute, Golden, CO.

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.

New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Back to Be Your Best Home

It's a New Day to Live as I Will

2011-03-08T16:05:00.002-05:00

This is the beginning of a New Day.

God has given me this day to use as I will.

I can waste it or use it for good.

What I do today is important, because

I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

When tomorrow comes,

this day will be gone forever,

leaving in its place something

that I have traded for it.

I want it to be gain, not loss;

good not evil; success not failure;

in order that I shall not regret

the price I paid for it.

~unknown

New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Back to Be Your Best Home

End Childhood Swearing - Stop Bad Language Without Lectures or Harsh Punishments

2011-03-02T15:31:00.002-05:00

There is a tried and true psychological principle that says, "Notice something you don't like about your child, show some emotion, and the problem is guaranteed to get worse." Childhood swearing is a good example.

Nowhere do we see this phenomenon more evident than when parents hear their little cherub utter one of the dreaded four-letter words. Many parents react with a variety of emotions ranging from shock, to out and out adult temper tantrums complete with threats.

A normal child has to witness this parental display with utter fascination.

"Wow. Look at my folks now. I haven't generated this much household excitement in a long time. I know exactly how to push their buttons. Television can't compete with this!"

Many people believe some severe punishment for swearing will put an end to it. However, punishment doesn't work because the parent's attention is the ultimate reward. Punishment added to parental exasperation is intoxicating for the average kid.

Here are some real-world techniques to end these word battles:

1. Focus on the location of the word instead of the badness of the word.

Talk with your kids about situations when these words are and are not acceptable. Consistently react to swearing with, "Is this the right place for that word? Thank you." Some effective parents say, "How sad. There's someone in your mirror who enjoys those words. Why don't you go to your room and have a talk with that person."

2. Use the Love and Logic® "Energy Drain" technique.

"Oh, listening to words like that drains my energy. Give me a little while to think of some ways you can put that energy back in me." Say these words with the all the appropriate body language of a person who is becoming exhausted. Later say, "I think if you did some of my housework it might restore some of that energy I lost listening to your swearing. Thanks."

This worked for one mom who told me about her 6-year-old son who brought home some bad language from school. She dramatically held her head, sat down, and said, "Energy Drain," each time he said one of those words. She was unable to do things for him until he had restored her energy by doing some of her chores. His swearing soon faded away.

One day as she was driving him to school another driver cut her off. Before she could catch herself, she blasted the other driver with a few choice four-letter words. The moment those words slipped out, she realized her son was in the back seat hearing every word. As she looked in the rearview mirror, she saw his hand go to his head and heard him say, "Energy Drain." She was shocked.

This wise mother stopped the car, looked at her wonderful son, and asked, "Do you think an ice-cream cone would put some energy back in you?" "Maybe," he sniffed. As they sat in the ice-cream shop he looked at his mom and, with the most drained expression, said, "Mom. You said three bad words. My energy was really drained. I think I'll feel better after two more ice cream cones."

Using a few Love and Logic parenting techniques not only helps us raise better kids, but also trains our kids to be better parents when they grow up.

©2002 Jim Fay
End Childhood Swearing - Stop Bad Language Without Lectures or Harsh Punishments written by Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.

New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children counseling, teen counseling, divorce counseling, porn addiction, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Back to Be Your Best Home

Teenagers and Spring Fever: Raising the Odds for Responsible Behavior

2011-02-28T17:52:00.003-05:00

Spring fever can be deadly.

A survey completed by the Love and Logic Institute found 75 percent of American adults believe teenagers today face more serious, potentially life-threatening decisions than a generation ago. These decisions, combined with a strong dose of hormones and the vacations and parties that come with springtime, can challenge the most sensible teenagers.

Fortunately, there are some simple, time-tested tips for parents who want their teens to make cool decisions as the weather gets warmer.

Tip #1: Don't fall into the trap of thinking teens no longer need their parents.

Because their adolescents are becoming more independent, many parents believe it's okay to leave them without supervision for hours on end. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Wise parents understand this, and they recognize teens need a watchful, yet friendly eye.

Tip #2: Set enforceable limits.

Teens need and want limits. However, instead of telling your teen what they should do, experiment with telling them what you will do or what you will allow. Instead of, "Be home on time," experiment with something like, "I share the car keys with those who come home on time." Instead of, "Don't hang out with Steve. He's trouble," try, "Feel free to see Steve when I know there is adult supervision." For a free list of response examples, visit this page.

Tip #3: Hold them accountable with empathy and logical consequences.

Parents who provide consequences with anger create teens who think, "When I make poor decisions, it makes others really mad. I better not get caught." Parents who replace anger with a genuine dose of empathy or sadness raise teens who know, "When I make poor decisions it makes my life really sad. For my sake, I'd better make wise ones!"

Tip #4: When you are too angry or worried to think - delay the consequence.

If your teen does something that throws you off balance, buy some time by saying, "I'm going to have to do something about this. But not now… later… try not to worry." Take some time to calm down and get some ideas from friends.

Every day, parents around the world are finding their lives made easier with these tips. One parent commented, "I came home from work to find my 16-year-old daughter and six of her friends had scattered pizza, chips, and dip all over my new carpet! I was furious. Luckily I remembered the advice from Love and Logic and how to delay consequences. All I managed to say was, 'I'd better calm down first. We'll talk later. Try not to worry.' By the next day, she already had a good plan for selling enough of her things to hire some carpet cleaners!"

Give Love and Logic a try and find out why so many parents say it has changed their lives. Get started right away!

©2002 Dr. Charles Fay
Teenagers and Spring Fever - Raising the Odds for Responsible Behavior written by Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage therapy, children counseling, teen counseling, divorce counseling, porn addiction, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Back to Be Your Best Home

Parenting Tips: One-Liners

2011-02-10T15:05:00.003-05:00

Kids seem to have a repertoire of "hooks" they use to get their parents to argue with them. Here are some Love and Logic One-Liners that will get parents off the hook and cause children to do more of the thinking.

Remember: The "one-liners" are only effective when said with genuine compassion and understanding. These are never intended to be flippant remarks that discount the feelings of the child. If an adult uses these responses to try to get the better of a child, the problem will only become worse. The adult's own attitude at these times is crucial to success.

•"Probably so."

•"I know."

•"Nice try."

•"I bet it feels that way."

•"What do you think you're going to do."

•"I don't know. What do you think?"

•"Bummer. How sad."

•"Thanks for sharing that."

•"Don't worry about it now."

•"That's an option."

•"I bet that's true."

•"Maybe you'll like what we have for the next meal better."

•"What do you think I think about that?"

•"I'm not sure how to react to that. I'll have to get back to you on it."

•"I'll let you know what will work for me."

•"I'll love you wherever you live."

©1999 Jim Fay
One-Lines written by Jim Fay, Love and Logic Institute

Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.

New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Back to Be Your Best Home

The Power of Words

2011-02-03T17:23:00.000-05:00

Whatever we have in our hearts will determine the words we speak. If we fill our minds with good and positive thoughts, we will have good and positive things to say. If our minds are filled with unpleasant and negative thoughts, it will be evident in the negative way we talk.

With our words we bless and with our words we curse. For example, when parents tell their children that they can fulfill their potential and accomplish great things, they encourage their children’s faith and build their confidence as these words are believed and acted upon. On the other hand, those who continually hear that there is something wrong with them, they are never good enough, or they will never amount to much begin to believe those words and live them out. Often the greatest factor that accounts for the differences in many of our lives is the words we hear and believe.

Words are powerful. What we say can influence people’s lives in many ways—their attitude, mood, choices, self-esteem, and so forth. It is up to us to guard our speech from negativity, criticism, and judgment and instead speak words that encourage, edify, comfort, and strengthen.

Affirmation:
Today I can choose to fill my heart with goodness and speak words that bring life to others.

Empowering Thoughts:
Perhaps you will never forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them for a lifetime. ~Dale Carnegie

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless. ~Mother Theresa

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. ~Proverbs 16:24

Watch your manner of speech if you want to develop a peaceful state of mind. Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Words so innocent and powerless… when standing in a dictionary, how potent for good or evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Family & Couples Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog.

Back to Be Your Best Home

<< Back to Words of Inspiration Home

New Beginnings After Divorce

2011-01-24T09:51:00.000-05:00

No one gets married thinking they will get divorced some day. Most people have goals and dreams of being together forever, raising a family, and sharing life for better or for worse. They plan on being a team, growing together, and supporting one another. But somewhere along the line, they hit bumps in the road. They come up against walls, floods, and storms. Their marriage is put to the test. They are challenged to work together on successfully making it through problems and restoring their relationship. But this doesn’t always happen. Sometimes one partner abandons the relationship and will not return. Or, there is abuse that destroys all love and respect. Whatever the reason, divorce happens.

Divorce is not an easy option. Rather, it is a very difficult and painful one. Sometimes it seems to be the best option or the healthiest one. Divorce changes lives forever. Its pain is deep and its loss is great. To get through it is a grieving process. There are emotions of anger, guilt, worry, and denial that are normal and part of the healing process. Accepting these feelings and talking to someone who cares and understands can help in making a healthy adjustment. It takes time to adjust to the many changes that you will face. You may have to adjust to changes in your housing, family finances, holidays and celebrations, and family traditions to name just a few.

Although divorce marks the end of a marriage, it is the beginning of a new life for you. The consequences and challenges can be faced with courage, hope, and peace. Divorce counseling can help you through the healing process. Divorce counseling can provide the support and guidance you need to make a healthy adjustment during this difficult time. You can enter this new phase of life with confidence. It does not have to destroy you. You can be free of guilt, fear, and shame. You can dream new dreams. You can embrace life and truly live and love again. You can be whole and happy. You can learn and become better. You can rise up in strength and see your best days ahead of you.

He who spends time regretting the past loses the present and risks the future. ~ Quevedo

Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be. ~ Marsha Petrie Sue

Copyright © 2009 Krystal Kuehn. New Day Family Couples Counseling. All Rights Reserved

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family therapy center providers of divorce counseling and parenting classes, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships and several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog & Words of Inspiration blog.

Return to Be Your Best Home

Living with Purpose & Vision

2011-01-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

We can all live with purpose because there is so much to live for. There are things we can pursue, discover, or accomplish that fill our lives with meaning and purpose. We can have vision for our lives, dream dreams, and fulfill our callings. There is always something for us to do. Pursuing interests, developing skills, setting goals, and prioritizing our time all help us to grow and give us something to anticipate. We can make each day count and live with purpose.

Our values direct our behavior and the way we evaluate the world. Our values determine who we are, how we spend our time, what’s important to us, our likes and dislikes, our attitudes, and so forth. We make decisions based on our values every day. Sometimes our values conflict with each other. For example, spending time with our family may conflict with our work schedule which demands extensive hours. Clarifying our values helps us to understand which values are most important to us and the priorities we give to them. This will help us to make decisions that are consistent to our values and that we are happy with.

Review the list of values provided below. Add anything to the list that best describes what is important to you. You will find that some values are very important to you while others are somewhat important or not important at all. Underline the values that are somewhat important, and circle the values that are very important to you. Review the values you circled and note your 3 most important values. Now ask yourself the following questions:

Why are these values important to me?

How do my values affect the decisions I make?

What, if any, conflicting values do I have? How do I deal with them?

How do my values affect the way I balance work, rest, and play?

How do I spend my time each day? Is it consistent with my priorities?

Does my lifestyle reflect my values? If not, what would I want to change?

Fame
Wealth
Status
Health
Friendships
Family
Marriage
Financial Security
Raising children
Work
Success
Happiness
Pleasure
Physical Appearance
Helping others
Fulfilling career
Making money
Respect
Education
Creative expression
Freedom
Independence
Popularity
Love
Community
Contribution
Fun and excitement
Reputation
Recreation
Spirituality
Social connections
Leisure
Change
Admiration

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. ~Allan K. Chalmers

Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~Helen Keller

It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first condition of lasting happiness is that a life should be full of purpose, aiming at something outside self. ~Hugo Black

Growth itself contains the germ of happiness. ~Pearl S. Buck

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. ~Albert Schewitzer

Copyright © 2007 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Family & Couples Couseling Center

Taken from The 9 Habits of Happy People by Krystal Kuehn, Activity 1 of: Habit #7 What are You Living For? Practice Happiness by Living with Purpose.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

5 Steps to GOAL SETTING Success

2011-01-05T16:05:00.000-05:00

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ~Chinese proverb

Before we set out to accomplish anything at all, we must begin with a clear picture in our minds of already having achieved our goal. We wouldn’t even imagine trying to glue broken pieces of pottery back together without any idea of what it’s supposed to look like. So, why should we go through life without a clear purpose? Once we begin to visualize something, we can begin to figure out how to make it happen.

Following are steps to consider in setting goals:

A Clear Purpose

The first step is to have a clear vision of what you want to accomplish. Consider the lifestyle you want to live, your motives, and your priorities. Recall what others have confirmed as your gifts and talents. Think about what you are passionate about. Create a clear picture in your mind and see yourself having reached your goal. Imagine what you would be doing and what life would be like for you. Think about what it means to you to fulfill your goals.

A Course of Action

Once you have a clear purpose, it is time to take action in setting goals and in achieving them. The best way to begin is to make your goals measurable, and organize your objectives by writing them down. Before any building is ever built, a blueprint is drawn. Without it there would be no plan or direction in what do, how to do it, or what materials to use. In the same way, life goals need a clear course of action.

Think of the first steps you must take to achieve your goals. Now write down at least 3 short-term goals and 3 long-term goals. Some short-term goals can be daily or weekly. Record deadlines for each goal, and be sure to check them off when they are reached. This will give you a sense of accomplishment and help you stay motivated. Each new goal you set will give you hope and anticipation for its fulfillment. And with each step you take, you will grow and accomplish new things.

Creating S.M.A.R.T. Goals

S = Specific [answer the questions - Who? What? Where? When? How?]

Example-

General goal = Lose Weight

Specific goal = My goal is to join Jake's Fitness Center next week on Monday, February 18th and begin working out 3 days a week [Mon, Tues, Sat].

M = Measurable [How much? How many?]

Example- My goal is to lose 10 lbs (2 lbs a week).

A = Achievable [you can attain most any goal you set if you plan wisely, persist and stay motivated]

R = Realistic [answer the questions - Can I accomplish this? Do I have the ability and skills needed?]

T = Timely [set time frames for each goal]

Example- My goal is to lose a total of 10 lbs starting March 1st for 5 weeks ending April 5th.

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. ~Bebhanub Disraeli

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~Mark Twain

Copyright © 2007 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Family & Couples Couseling Center
Taken from The 9 Habits of Happy People by Krystal Kuehn, Activity 2 of: Habit #7 What are You Living For? Practice Happiness by Living with Purpose.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

A New Year, A New You - How to Make This Year Your Best Year Yet!

2010-12-28T14:01:00.000-05:00

Did you make any New Year's Resolutions?

Most of us like to start the new year with hopes and plans for a good year. The past is behind us and we carry over the blessings, memories, and lessons it has taught us. But today is a new day, a new year, and we can start fresh. We can have new beginnings and set new goals.

What would you like to be different this coming year? Maybe you want to get in better shape, lose some weight, get out of debt, break bad habits and begin healthy ones, heal and restore a marriage, build new relationships, improve some skills, donate your time and/or finances, contribute to the community, make a positive difference in other's lives, and the list goes on.

Research shows that most New Year's resolutions are not kept for very long. We have good intentions and maybe start out with determination and confidence, but soon after our enthusiasm dies out. Oftentimes our resolutions are more challenging than we had expected. Maybe this year we can approach the new year with just one goal that will help us to meet all the others: to live a more positive and grateful life. A postiive and grateful life helps us to stay strong in our faith, persist, dream, set goals, love others and treat them with kindness and respect. Real fulfillment and joy can be ours this year as we commit to being our best.

Make this the best year yet by being the best you can be. It starts with you - your thinking, your attitude, your love walk, you faith, your perpective, your commitment, your persistence, your choices. We don't know what this new year will bring, but we can resolve to make the best of this year as we make the best of ourselves.

God bless you and may this year be your best ever!

Krystal & Violet

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months! ~Edward Payson Powell

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. ~Henry Moore

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

Copyright © 2008 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Family Couples Counseling. All Rights Reserved

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!

2010-12-23T12:58:00.003-05:00

Season's Greetings to you beautiful people!
We wish you a very happy holiday season & very Merry Christmas. May you be blessed with health in body and mind and filled with love and peace that cannot be shaken. And may you always remember that you are loved and never alone. It's a New Day to believe, to hope, to give thanks, to celebrate and to enjoy!

I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent, for this is still the time God chooses. ~Taylor Caldwell

Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most. ~Ruth Carter Stapleton

Attitude & Perspective - A Day in the Life of an Optimist & a Pessimist

2010-12-09T10:06:00.000-05:00

There is little difference in people, but that difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative. ~W.Clement Stone

We might describe ourselves as an optimist, a pessimist, or somewhere in-between. But regardless who is right or wrong about a matter, it is the optimist that always tends to be the one who is more hopeful and happy. Join me as we experience a typical day in the life of an optimist and a pessimist. The following story is about perspective & how the same situation can be experienced so differently:

Early Saturday morning the optimist awakens with anticipation and gratitude for the new day. He looks forward to getting together with his friend for a stroll in the park. The pessimist awakens to another day expecting more of the same—the same problems, frustrations, and negativity. When they greet each other at the park, the optimist comments on what a beautiful, sunny day it is. The pessimist says, “You never know how long it will last. It could get cloudy and rain as far as we know.”

Along their way, the Optimist notices a group of teenagers playing ball and blaring a radio near by them. The Optimist says, “It’s so nice to see young people having so much fun together—playing sports and getting exercise.” “You can’t be serious,” retorts the Pessimist. “Teens are troublemakers. Listen to that horrible music. They’re all angry and rebellious. And, on top of that, they get so aggressive in sports, I’m surprised there are not more injuries.”

Next, they walk to the bridge and see a sign stating that the bridge is temporarily closed due to construction. The Optimist suggests, “Let’s go around another way. It’ll be just as nice and we can enjoy the scenery along the other side of the park. The Pessimist angrily replies, “Taxpayer dollars are being wasted again. The bridge was just fine. Now we have to take the long way around because of their incompetence.”

On the other side of the Park, the Optimist notices a couple playfully hugging and kissing. “That is so beautiful! It looks like they’re in love.” “Yeah, right,” exclaims the Pessimist. “They’re just putting on a show. If they want to be all affectionate and loving, they shouldn’t be in a public place.”

The stroll in the park continued along in the same predictable manner. And later that evening, when both the Optimist and Pessimist were asked by friends how their day went, The Optimist shared, “It was a great day. The park was filled with people having fun, and there was so much to see and enjoy.” The Pessimist described his day saying, “There is nothing good about this town. Annoying people are everywhere. The bridge was even down, and there really wasn’t much to like about it.”

Wow, What a difference in perspective! Is there any wonder why the Pessimist remains negative and oftentimes is unhappy? First, he doesn’t expect the nice weather to last. He is actually expressing the attitude that some people have—that nothing good ever lasts for very long, so don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed. Then, he generalizes that all teens are angry and rebellious. When the bridge is closed, instead of making the best of the situation, he complains and blames others. And later, he gets annoyed by displays of love and affection.

The Optimist, on the other hand, focuses on the good things—and spends his day appreciating and enjoying it. When obstacles arise, he copes in a healthy manner and doesn’t let it ruin his day or attitude.

Now, who would you rather be around? Or, I should ask, what perspective would you rather have? Most of us would like to be more like the Optimist. The Optimist has inner joy and peace. The Optimist is loving towards others. And, the Optimist has inner strength to cope with life’s challenges.

I’d like to encourage you that with practice, we can ALL become more optimistic in our outlook.

I hope you have a great week & see all the good in it! Krystal

Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power. ~William James

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute. ~Gil Stern

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them. ~Leonard Louis Levinson

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. ~Kin Hubbard

In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. ~Daniel L. Reardon

Copyright © 2008 BeHappy4Life.com, All Rights Reserved.
written by Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling - Family Couples Counseling Center

This article is a transcript from the Perspective: It's All the Way You Look at It - audio podcast .
To learn more about developing a positive attitude, go to behappy4life.com.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).

<< Back to Be Your Best Home

The 7 Criteria of Emotional Maturity

2010-11-08T14:17:00.014-05:00

What does it mean to be mature? According to Merriam-Webster, mature is defined as having completed natural growth and development. That is, being fully grown, complete, ready.

I do not believe that we arrive at a state of complete emotional maturity with no further need for growth and development. Rather, emotional maturity is a life-long process. We continually grow in our experience of love, acceptance, stability, adaption, and so forth.

Following is the list (underlined) of Criteria of Emotional Maturity by William C. Menninger, psychiatrist and co-founder of the Menninger Clinic along with some of my thoughts and comments. As we grow and develop in the following areas, we become more emotionally mature with greater mental and emotional stability, healthier relationships, and improved lives.

1. The ability to deal constructively with reality

To deal with reality in a constructive manner, we must face truth, the facts, rather than deny them. Running from problems or hoping they do not exist does not make them go away. Regardless of how unpleasant they may be at times, facing the facts is the first step to dealing with any situation. When people have difficulty facing reality, they resort to all sorts of unhealthy ways to deal with the unpleasant feelings and pain. They try to soothe themselves with alcohol, drugs, or any other way that temporarily masks their reality and pain. There are healthy and constructive ways to cope that lead to greater emotional maturity and growth. It may not be the easiest path to take, but it leads to healing, lasting comfort and hope.

Set up as an ideal the facing of reality as honestly and as cheerfully as possible. ~Karl Menninger

2. The capacity to adapt to change

Change is not always easy. It can turn our world upside down at times and cause a great deal of stress. Whether the change is minor, like having to change our plans for the day, or more significant, such as moving to a new home, changing jobs, getting married or divorced, adapting to change is to make necessary adjustments. Sometimes the most important adjustment is in our attitude. Change can annoy us as it disrupts our routine and expectations, but we can choose to accept it and allow ourselves time to get comfortable with change.

3. A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties

The symptoms produced from tensions and anxieties can include physical distress (headaches, stomach problems, rapid heart rate) and emotional distress (worry, restlessness, panic). Anxiety is a major mental health problem affecting millions of people every day. It negatively affects all levels of people's lives--their mental and physical health, relationships, work. To live free of its destructive symptoms and consequences is to cope with life stress in a healthy manner, learn to relax, release worries, and develop inner peace.

4. The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving

People who give of themselves--their time, attention, help, finances, or what they are able-- are generally more fulfilled and happy than those who do not. People who are primarily takers are more likely to use others for their own personal gain and are often considered selfish, stingy, and/or greedy. Like the old scrooge, they end up miserable. Givers, on the other hand, want to contribute and make a positive difference in this world. It is healthy to give cheerfully and willingly as it contributes to our sense of purpose and helps us connect with others and our society.

5. The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness

Like I always say, life is all about relationships. We relate to others every single day--whether it is a relative, co-worker, neighbor, or stranger, our lives are intertwined with others. Love and respect are two key factors to relating successfully to others. Unlike dysfunctional relationships, healthy relationships are stable and provide deep satisfaction and joy. For more on healthy relationships, go to: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships.

6. The capacity to sublimate, to direct one’s instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets

If we were to release all our frustrations and anger on the world, we would have a hostile existence. Instead, we can take that energy and direct it into something good and productive. It has long been said that sports is a great outlet of extra energy. Anything that is positive, constructive and creative can redirect our energies and put them to good use. A basketball player once told me that the court is where all his angry energy was released. He redirected his hostile energy in an acceptable way within specific guidelines and limits. It gave him a constructive outlet and helped him to really enjoy what he was doing without hurting others and/or himself.

7. The capacity to love

Love is the greatest power in the world. As humans, we are born with the capacity to love. The greatest differences between us are how we communicate our love. To learn much more about the power and capacity to love, I highly recommend The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships.

Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. ~Karl Menninger

One does not fall in love; one grows into love, and love grows in him. ~Karl Menninger

Self-love is not opposed to the love of other people. You cannot really love yourself and do yourself a favor without doing people a favor, and vise versa. ~Karl Menninger
Experience is not what happens to you, it's how you interpret what happens to you. ~Aldous Huxley

Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. ~unknown

In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships. ~John Gottman (from Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child)

Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. ~Vincent Van Gogh

Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling. All Rights Reserved.
Criteria of Emotional Maturity by William C. Menninger, MD (1899-1966), Co-founder of The Menninger Clinic, Copyright © 1966 The Menninger Clinic

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling, children therapy and teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!

<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Being True to Ourselves & Others

2010-11-03T11:54:00.000-04:00

Can love be real without sincerity? Most would agree that sincerity is what makes love what it is. Genuine love is true. And it is true love that we all want. We want to know we are sincerely loved for who we are. We want to know that it is with sincere motives that those who love us say and do the things they say and do for us. We want to know a love that enables us to trust without fear of being unloved and rejected. We want a love that remains loyal and faithful to us no matter what happens. We want to be loved sincerely. And that is how others want to be loved by us as well.

Sincerity is most evident when we are honest and truthful with others. It requires us to be our true selves rather than manipulate others into believing we are someone we’re really not. No one likes to be lied to or deceived. Lies and deception destroy trust. Betrayal of trust is probably the worst relationship pain we can experience. Without trust, relationships do not have a strong and solid foundation upon which to be built. Without trust we may question and doubt that we are truly loved. It is only when there is trust that we feel safe enough to open up our hearts to others and grow more sincere in our love.

Sincerity communicates love. When we are sincere we:

* Can be counted on to be honest and trustworthy
* Remain faithful and keep our word—making only promises that we can keep
* Are dependable and consistent in our words and actions
* Mean what we say and do not mislead with lies
* Are motivated by love that is genuine
* Can be our real selves and not be phony
* Will not deceive others for our own selfish means
* Do not flatter others to get our way
* Do not take advantage of others’ ignorance or innocence
* Have integrity and exemplify good morals

Love that is sincere is the real thing. It remains faithful in the face of betrayal. It is trustworthy regardless of others’ dishonesty. Its motives are pure and not corrupted by self-centeredness. Sincerity is a profession of love that is true.

REFLECTION:

What does it mean to be loved sincerely or genuinely?

Do I believe I am sincerely loved? By whom? How do I know?

Can love be true without honesty? Why or why not?

What motivates me most to say and do the things I say and do for others?

In what ways am I not my true self and give a false impression of who I am?

Can others trust me to mean what I say when I compliment them or share my thoughts and feelings?

Think about people you would describe as sincere. Does their sincerity enable you to trust them more? Why or why not?

EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:

A relationship built on anything but trust and sincerity is like a house built on shifting sand.

I can be true to myself and others.

I choose to keep my promises or not make them if I cannot keep them.

I choose to be real because people who really like me will like me for who I am.

I choose to faithful and not compromise my values.

I choose to be honest in my compliments and avoid flattery and insincerity.

Character is much easier kept than recovered. ~Thomas Paine

It's impossible to be who you're not, so why not just be who you are? ~unknown

This above all: to thine own self be true. ~Shakespeare, Hamlet

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings

The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Only the person who has faith in himself is able to be faithful to others. ~Erich Fromm

Click here for Free Printable Worksheet.

Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 11 (Love is Sincere) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling, children counseling and teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!

<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

How the Power to Forgive Frees Us to Love

2010-10-15T22:23:00.004-04:00

One of the greatest challenges in loving others is to forgive them when they have wronged us and caused us pain. Every time we are wronged, we have to choose how we are going to deal with the hurt. Ultimately, we have to decide if we will forgive the person or persons who have wronged us, or if we will hold on to the hurt. If we hold on to the hurt, it will keep us from loving them. It will keep us angry and upset. We will not be open the release the hurt. Instead, it will continue to fester and grow. Unresolved hurts that are not forgiven continue to cause pain. We don’t want the one who wronged us to get away with it. We want them to be punished and our anger toward them is oftentimes the only way we know how to make what is wrong seem right or fair. The problem is, it rarely makes things better. It only deepens our hurt and frustration and eventually turns to bitterness.

Forgiveness sets us free to love again. When we decide to forgive, we let go of the attitude that “You owe me.” Our anger fades. Bitterness doesn’t have the opportunity to take root. We do not use what happened against anyone. Resentment gives way to acceptance of another’s flaws. We no longer feel a need to retaliate.

When we forgive, we do not always have to understand why we were wronged. Nor do we have to wait for an apology in order to forgive. Forgiveness does not justify or make the other person right. What it does is make us free. Forgiveness frees us to say, “I will not use this against you or keep a record of how you have wronged me. I will release you of any punishment I think is due. I will no longer hold on to anger and resentment toward you. I will release it from my heart. I will make allowances for your flaws and give you grace. I will forgive you unconditionally.”

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful demonstrations of genuine love. It has the power to mend broken hearts and set captives free. It has the power to bring healing and restoration to relationships. It is the ultimate expression of grace. It is something we grant others even when they do not deserve it, knowing that we ourselves have been recipients of forgiveness countless times. As long as we are imperfect, we will be in need of forgiveness.

REFLECTION:

Why is forgiveness important to our life and relationships?

What do I do with the hurt when someone wrongs me? Do I retaliate? Nurse the hurt? Release it? Work through it?

How often do I bring up past issues that were never resolved?

What makes forgiving someone who wronged me most difficult?

Did I ever want to be forgiven for something I said or did, and I wasn’t forgiven? How did it affect me?

Do I expect others to forgive me when I hurt them? Why or why not?

EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS

Unforgiveness keeps us imprisoned in pain and hurt.

I can give up resentment and be free.

I choose to release the hurt I have been holding on to.

I choose to forgive myself for making poor choices and hurting others.

I choose to accept myself and others, knowing that we all have flaws, make poor decisions sometimes and hurt one another.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. ~Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. ~Isaac Friedmann

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. ~Lewis B. Smedes

Love cures. It cures those who have it and it cures those who receive it. ~Karl Menninger

Click here for Free Printable Worksheet.

Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 10 (Love is Forgiving) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling, child counseling and teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!

<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home